g.

Georgia, god damn you -- that was what it was about, that was its fucking constitution. It began in foul places, like those under the bathroom sink, and in the walls, where the fingers play against themselves, undoing the sealant and making it all -- just jesus, Georgia -- you were instigating the entire entourage, into this collapse, my own fucking head into a pile of pie : my own consistency was muddled and we weren't even fucking -- the other kind, the kind that is for embrace and entanglement and confusion and -- jesus, he was watching too, just watching her rob me, take me into the barn, you know, yeah, like that, she threw me on the hay, as I remember it, the only way I am gonna remember it -- I was out of control, then, I was remembering too much, she wasn't anything like she was now, not like she is now, I couldn't have brought her into the barn, she had to lead me -- and he all watched, he and all of them watched, like it was chickens they were watching -- I didn't fight, no, but I was crying and I think I was almost, maybe, I am not remembering it how it was, not like they tell it from A until D, I am not like that -- but it wasn't different than that, it couldn't have been any different than that -- not as I remember it, she was in her skin that day, really in her skin, she owned it much sooner than I owned mine, it fit her better than mine has ever fit me, she didn't have any of the doubt that it was elastic that maybe it would just melt off one day, especially if it was too hot -- jesus, it was hot all the time, it was hot like that all that summer -- it was too hot -- everything else, on top of that, over her skin wasn't really important, not to her suit, not to the fact that she fitted, she wasn't caring, not as I remember it, as I have been remembering it, she was fitted, usual and accustomed to it -- yeah, I know she must have taken me there, even if they were all watching, she must have taken me to the barn, to the place with the hay, because I know, she didn't even know, she didn't know the difference, you know, between her clothes and her skin and she wasn't touched by herself with her clothes, herself was always just her skin, I couldn't have taken her then, she must have taken me. But it was hot and I think my skin melted -- they were gonna see my bones and all my muscle and I was gonna be an alien to them. They were going to scream and run and pull out their hair. But she didn't stop. She kept moving, onto and over me -- she felt like she was in her skin.

I was in her skin. She wasn't unkind -- but fucking inconsiderate -- I can swear again. Now, I am forgetting, all the time, but there is one other command, just one last command that I need to forget, the contracted purpose of my ambition to conquer them and all of them, especially when I am at dinner parties. I don't want to be inconsiderate either, I just want to forget, she was always forgetting, she was always seeming to forget, I just want to forget about the way to get anywhere -- jesus, I can't take anything off, anymore but I like to put everything on. I need to forget that too.