The Language, Behavior, Attitude Triangle and its Useful though not always Self-Reflective Purposes
She started asking questions, you know, like real penetrating questions, the kind that made me look again, look at her again, and, not just because she was asking them, not just because of the circumstances (that would be cruel of me, wrong, right?), no, not just that, but because they were really penetrating questions, and they were getting at this problem she was having with, what I could only imagine, you know, some rather frequent occurence, like the problem was happening with some regular occurrence, you know, like often....exactly, because it was all about her neighbor and his lawn, or his fence, and it really had nothing to do with me, not ostensibly, at least, not that it couldn't have had nothing to do with me, no, I thought about that, you know, I look like him, or looked like him, and I got to thinking, one of these past nights, when that main electrical switch froze and they couldn't turn the damn lights off, well, I don't know why it took me so damn long, because I always rememebered her penetrating questions and her frequent occurences, but I never considered, not until this week, you know, I never really considered that she thought I was him, she thought it was my lawn or waste or whatever it was that she thought was wrong....no, she didn't phrase it like that, no of course she didn't phrase it like that, she said something like, inappropriate or careless, like she thought my action was inappropriate and careless and disrespectful and some other word...I haven't come across it yet, something else, but you see, I already am, changing the part of me, you know, I already am incorporating those things into my meal times and my outside time, you know, and taking some of those words, because she was always using those words and I even think she was using them correctly, and using them myself and making it a natural part of my conversation....so, no, I don't know, I think it just finally hit me, you know with the electricity on and all and my brain in that inbetween where it doesn't really want to recognize where it is, well, it doesn't ever want to recognize where it is, but then it didn't really want to be turned on and yet, like it was guiding itself, like it knew if it turned itself on, I'd screw it up. And that's when it hit me, right there, you know, right smack in the middle of the forhead, yeah, I thought, she was thinking I was her neighbor, all that time, she was thinking I was her neighbor, and all this could have been avoided, not that she should have really been approaching me like that, not really, but all this might have concluded in a different way had I just either really been her neighbor, because then I really would have been doing all those things that she wasn't liking or if she hadn't confused me with her neighbor, you know, either one, I think we'd be in different places, at least right now, we might even be in opposite places and she'd be calling me and asking me to come down here and wait in line. You just think, sometimes, that one little misunderstanding, you know, just one tiny little thing, like her thinking I was her neighbor and all that results in this, I mean if she had known that was gonna cause her death, you know the simple misunderstanding was going to lead to her death, I know she wouldn't have confused us, and, but really, the other side of it, is if I had moved in there, like I almost did last year, then I really would have been her neighbor and that too, you know my action too, would have saved her life then, because it would have been ok and all that thing about my lawn or my fence would have been about me and I could have fixed that. I mean that is crazy, you know, that is almost unbelieveable and you know, sometimes you just got to wonder, you know, you really have to think about these things and all these interactions because, just like that, the smallest wonders can change the whole trajectory of your life, the smallest confusions can throw your life into a whole other pond and that whole other pond might look so different and it might even get you to throw it all away just like she did.