a.
It is an hour walk to the well and there are children and women and old men at the well. The sun is hot and yellow and I have turned dark and callous in the afternoon. The end of the wellborn child, against the sand, struts into a leadership role and plagues himself with nude walks.
Fuck off.
b.
He is red, she says and she is spent and she is a hooker. We are tired of hookers in the backyard. They aren’t using the toilets. That is Garrison. He is the banker and he makes $4.25 an hour because it is no longer 1950. I only have twenties and fifties, Garrison says. The hag needs to make it to the store so she can buy eggs.
Get the fuck out of my store.
c.
There is sound in the other room, there is music there, and people are playing instruments and the instruments are the guitar, the cello, the saxophone, and the drums. They are pretty talented and energized and there is good music.
But I don’t fucking care.
d.
In the morning of the fourth day that I quit trying to have sex with the fat girl that liked to sit at the bar, my hand turned yellow and I began to vomit because I had bad fucking karma. Jesus didn’t help me either and I told him as much.
I bought a piece of shit motorcycle and it broke down on 101.
e.
It is fifty-three miles across the southern part of the state. Troy biked it in four hours because there were a lot of hills. He ate a hamburger and he drank a milkshake and he told the waitress that he didn’t want fucking mayonnaise on his hamburger.
I don’t fucking care what you want, she said.
f.
The end of the year came and it wouldn’t have really mattered what happened in January. The goddamn children were still at the well and I still had to wait in line and it was hot as fuck.
g.
Everyone else, all of them, is just mutes.
[s]
8.11.2006
we aren't going to let anybody survive in those tunnels
I gave him a rifle and he took it into the hole in the ground and he started shooting and I think he was shooting with his eyes closed. At first, there was some shrieking, little person shrieking, and then there was a whole bunch of shrieking. Later, he came up all bloody and dirty and his eyes were like little lanterns. It was a good first shooting for the boy and I thought that he had come out a lot older and a lot more mature. It’s about time he learned how to defend himself.
His teacher taught him to multiply four’s the next morning and the next afternoon he learned a new word and the word was stoic: The four men shot little pigeons in the garage and then the four men went into the house and ate and then the four men came out of the house and went into the army and the whole time the men were silent and stoic.
That’s an awfully long sentence but it sure is good. The only problem is that it might be too good and soon Mrs. Teacher is going to be calling the trailer and spouting some bullshit about college and after school tutoring and hell, that is just a little bit too much attention. Attention will probably get you shot.
I have tried to tell the little bugger that a bunch of times and I think he is just starting to get it.
The plan at the beginning of the school year was to be as normal as possible—to sit and not make any noise to not bother anybody and to not get any attention. Any attention is bad, I told him when he was seven. He had been caught shoplifting from Dave’s Fish ‘N Tackle and they had arrested him right away and taken him in the back and beaten him with a blackjack.
He deserved it and I told him as much.
Besides, there is something incredibly wrong with trying to make the teacher smile when she looks at you or trying to make the teacher look at you at all. I used to try to do that but that was before I knew anything about my nature and about my purpose. About ten years ago, though, my guidance counselor set me all straight. He said that I would probably lead an immobile and unvarying existence and that it would probably afford me the ability to avoid all inconvenient responsibility. I thought he gave me a pretty good and sound evaluation. And that was when I started the no-attention getting philosophy.
Since then, things have worked pretty well, for the most part.
The friggin little boy, though, the one that lives next door keeps getting himself in a bunch of fits and struggles and the police keep coming into the neighborhood and asking all sorts of questions about our fences and our storage areas. One of these days I am going to have to send my boy over there and straighten that little boy out.
Beyond all the no-attention teachings, I keep my boy up to speed on all the important happenings in the neighborhood and in our country. I tell my boy the truth about the world. I don’t hide from the boy and that is why I gave him the shotgun, or maybe it was just a rifle. Those people in those tunnels, they come from another country, I tell him. Those people come here because their own country is bad and has no jobs or food or good places to live. Those people are an inconvenience and a nuisance in our country, and probably in their own no-good country too. So they come into this country, all sneaky, and they try to plant themselves here like they always been here. But it's always been just us here and nobody else. All that talk got him pretty excited and he had to get into that tunnel. And I let him go.
And the first time he came up from the tunnels I noticed that he had sort of accidentally pissed himself and he was a little bit frightened. I figured the next time he went down in that tunnel he should take a shotgun because then the little escapees won’t be bleeding and rolling in the mud after they are shot. Hell, they’ll probably be dead right away.
Besides, the boy is done real good this year at keeping out of sight. I haven't gotten any phone calls from Mrs. Teacher or any of those other whores. In the end, all the good behavior makes for a mighty good summer and we indeed celebrate.
On the fourth of July, my wife gives me a gas grill and we cook burgers and celebrate the great land that has always been America and we celebrate about how good we are at keeping those stupid bastards out of our country. Later that night some man in an American flag t-shirt says that there are some silly men on the news who think they can blow us up. I’ll blow them right back up after, my son says and my wife is happy to know that I have raised the boy right in the ways of protection.
[s]
His teacher taught him to multiply four’s the next morning and the next afternoon he learned a new word and the word was stoic: The four men shot little pigeons in the garage and then the four men went into the house and ate and then the four men came out of the house and went into the army and the whole time the men were silent and stoic.
That’s an awfully long sentence but it sure is good. The only problem is that it might be too good and soon Mrs. Teacher is going to be calling the trailer and spouting some bullshit about college and after school tutoring and hell, that is just a little bit too much attention. Attention will probably get you shot.
I have tried to tell the little bugger that a bunch of times and I think he is just starting to get it.
The plan at the beginning of the school year was to be as normal as possible—to sit and not make any noise to not bother anybody and to not get any attention. Any attention is bad, I told him when he was seven. He had been caught shoplifting from Dave’s Fish ‘N Tackle and they had arrested him right away and taken him in the back and beaten him with a blackjack.
He deserved it and I told him as much.
Besides, there is something incredibly wrong with trying to make the teacher smile when she looks at you or trying to make the teacher look at you at all. I used to try to do that but that was before I knew anything about my nature and about my purpose. About ten years ago, though, my guidance counselor set me all straight. He said that I would probably lead an immobile and unvarying existence and that it would probably afford me the ability to avoid all inconvenient responsibility. I thought he gave me a pretty good and sound evaluation. And that was when I started the no-attention getting philosophy.
Since then, things have worked pretty well, for the most part.
The friggin little boy, though, the one that lives next door keeps getting himself in a bunch of fits and struggles and the police keep coming into the neighborhood and asking all sorts of questions about our fences and our storage areas. One of these days I am going to have to send my boy over there and straighten that little boy out.
Beyond all the no-attention teachings, I keep my boy up to speed on all the important happenings in the neighborhood and in our country. I tell my boy the truth about the world. I don’t hide from the boy and that is why I gave him the shotgun, or maybe it was just a rifle. Those people in those tunnels, they come from another country, I tell him. Those people come here because their own country is bad and has no jobs or food or good places to live. Those people are an inconvenience and a nuisance in our country, and probably in their own no-good country too. So they come into this country, all sneaky, and they try to plant themselves here like they always been here. But it's always been just us here and nobody else. All that talk got him pretty excited and he had to get into that tunnel. And I let him go.
And the first time he came up from the tunnels I noticed that he had sort of accidentally pissed himself and he was a little bit frightened. I figured the next time he went down in that tunnel he should take a shotgun because then the little escapees won’t be bleeding and rolling in the mud after they are shot. Hell, they’ll probably be dead right away.
Besides, the boy is done real good this year at keeping out of sight. I haven't gotten any phone calls from Mrs. Teacher or any of those other whores. In the end, all the good behavior makes for a mighty good summer and we indeed celebrate.
On the fourth of July, my wife gives me a gas grill and we cook burgers and celebrate the great land that has always been America and we celebrate about how good we are at keeping those stupid bastards out of our country. Later that night some man in an American flag t-shirt says that there are some silly men on the news who think they can blow us up. I’ll blow them right back up after, my son says and my wife is happy to know that I have raised the boy right in the ways of protection.
[s]
8.09.2006
His heart is going to stop and he is soon to be dead
A.
The cardiology department is on the fifth floor, the nurse says. The nurse is tall and thin and the nurse looks like an athlete. I bet she is a good athlete, George thinks and he walks to the elevator and presses the button that says five.
There is a man on the floor of the hospital lobby. The man has a hole in his chest and he is bleeding and he is asking the nurse for a glass of water. There are missiles outside and the missiles are going off on the street and there are loud explosions and some of the children, the small children, are crying. George stands in the elevator and watches the numbers light up: one, two, three, four, five.
George gets off the elevator.
B.
There are signs for the cardiology department on the fifth floor. The signs point to the left. The sings are made of cardboard. George follows the signs. There are a considerable amount of people on this floor, George thinks.
Most of the people are old. They have hearts that have lasted a very long time.
My grandmother reads Life Magazine because it makes her happy, George says. Life is a magazine about other people. There are pictures of other people in Life Magazine. At least she has a heart that is very strong and has been able to last a long time, Mary says.
Oh yeah, George thinks, Mary did come with me.
George doesn’t smile at first but a bag of a woman with a blue wool hat smiles and waves. Maybe this visit will be quite humorous, George thinks. Just this one visit. The woman is sitting on a bench and she has a really large smile. She waves again. She is not quite well. Yes, George decides, this visit will be quite humorous. George is not decidedly upset anymore.
You know Mary, George says, I wouldn’t generally smile. I would be agitated and nervous and I would be fidgeting—you know how I fidget when these things come around. I wouldn’t be in a good mood, I wouldn’t be in a good mood at all. But I suppose there isn’t really that much that you can do when you know that your heart is going to go out like a cheap balloon.
It will just go—pop.
C.
The doctor is whispering and George sits in his hospital robe and he stares at a machine that has many buttons and dials. An ultra sound image of George’s heart is frozen on the screen. George looks at his heart on the screen. His humor has lessened over the past few minutes but he is not quite morose.
There are holes in his heart, the doctor says to Mary. It is going to be quite difficult for him to breathe and he is going to take many short breaths all day long and he might go black in the eyes sometimes.
He is going to faint?
Sure, I imagine that he will. He will likely collapse a couple of times. But those are just the strokes. And the strokes are really just getting the clots out. The doctor is a good doctor and he drives a Mercedes and he has two daughters. He is from the mainland, from a small village on the mainland. He eats brown rice and he works on the exercise machines because it is good for his heart.
Mary is sweating and she is noticeably nervous. She wore her white blouse and her straight black pants today. She wanted to act professional and her professional clothes usually make her act proper and, indeed, professional. She does the same thing when she is ill. She wears clothes that are professional and she feels less ill.
It is almost as though you aren’t supposed to feel ill in certain clothes.
But now she is terribly upset and her make-up begins to make her look like she is a clown and she is crying because it is really rather sad that George is not doing all that well. Actually, it doesn’t fucking matter that she is wearing her black pants.
The doctor says hello to George. George says hello to the doctor.
The doctor plays with the machine and the doctor talks to another doctor. The other doctor is a woman doctor and both doctors nod their heads and point at the screen and they seem to be talking about something very serious, very grave. He didn’t take care of that at all, the woman doctor says. No he didn’t, the doctor says and he agrees.
I didn’t, George says and sighs. I think I saw them laugh a bit though, George thinks. But maybe it was just a doctor laugh. Maybe it was a bit of a he’s dead so let’s move on laugh. But that is clearly not true because George is still sitting in the hospital and George is definitely not dead.
D.
To tell the truth, though, there aren’t really any missiles outside and there aren’t really any explosions either. But the cardiology department is on the fifth floor.
[s]
The cardiology department is on the fifth floor, the nurse says. The nurse is tall and thin and the nurse looks like an athlete. I bet she is a good athlete, George thinks and he walks to the elevator and presses the button that says five.
There is a man on the floor of the hospital lobby. The man has a hole in his chest and he is bleeding and he is asking the nurse for a glass of water. There are missiles outside and the missiles are going off on the street and there are loud explosions and some of the children, the small children, are crying. George stands in the elevator and watches the numbers light up: one, two, three, four, five.
George gets off the elevator.
B.
There are signs for the cardiology department on the fifth floor. The signs point to the left. The sings are made of cardboard. George follows the signs. There are a considerable amount of people on this floor, George thinks.
Most of the people are old. They have hearts that have lasted a very long time.
My grandmother reads Life Magazine because it makes her happy, George says. Life is a magazine about other people. There are pictures of other people in Life Magazine. At least she has a heart that is very strong and has been able to last a long time, Mary says.
Oh yeah, George thinks, Mary did come with me.
George doesn’t smile at first but a bag of a woman with a blue wool hat smiles and waves. Maybe this visit will be quite humorous, George thinks. Just this one visit. The woman is sitting on a bench and she has a really large smile. She waves again. She is not quite well. Yes, George decides, this visit will be quite humorous. George is not decidedly upset anymore.
You know Mary, George says, I wouldn’t generally smile. I would be agitated and nervous and I would be fidgeting—you know how I fidget when these things come around. I wouldn’t be in a good mood, I wouldn’t be in a good mood at all. But I suppose there isn’t really that much that you can do when you know that your heart is going to go out like a cheap balloon.
It will just go—pop.
C.
The doctor is whispering and George sits in his hospital robe and he stares at a machine that has many buttons and dials. An ultra sound image of George’s heart is frozen on the screen. George looks at his heart on the screen. His humor has lessened over the past few minutes but he is not quite morose.
There are holes in his heart, the doctor says to Mary. It is going to be quite difficult for him to breathe and he is going to take many short breaths all day long and he might go black in the eyes sometimes.
He is going to faint?
Sure, I imagine that he will. He will likely collapse a couple of times. But those are just the strokes. And the strokes are really just getting the clots out. The doctor is a good doctor and he drives a Mercedes and he has two daughters. He is from the mainland, from a small village on the mainland. He eats brown rice and he works on the exercise machines because it is good for his heart.
Mary is sweating and she is noticeably nervous. She wore her white blouse and her straight black pants today. She wanted to act professional and her professional clothes usually make her act proper and, indeed, professional. She does the same thing when she is ill. She wears clothes that are professional and she feels less ill.
It is almost as though you aren’t supposed to feel ill in certain clothes.
But now she is terribly upset and her make-up begins to make her look like she is a clown and she is crying because it is really rather sad that George is not doing all that well. Actually, it doesn’t fucking matter that she is wearing her black pants.
The doctor says hello to George. George says hello to the doctor.
The doctor plays with the machine and the doctor talks to another doctor. The other doctor is a woman doctor and both doctors nod their heads and point at the screen and they seem to be talking about something very serious, very grave. He didn’t take care of that at all, the woman doctor says. No he didn’t, the doctor says and he agrees.
I didn’t, George says and sighs. I think I saw them laugh a bit though, George thinks. But maybe it was just a doctor laugh. Maybe it was a bit of a he’s dead so let’s move on laugh. But that is clearly not true because George is still sitting in the hospital and George is definitely not dead.
D.
To tell the truth, though, there aren’t really any missiles outside and there aren’t really any explosions either. But the cardiology department is on the fifth floor.
[s]
8.04.2006
The extremists in the north want to murder our babies
There is a howl and the women with babies are in a well and the babies are screaming and the women are asking for help. This, perhaps, is the result of one idea that arose at the end of the last century. There were others, of course, but the other ideas were eventually and eagerly disregarded.
After a considerable amount of debate, it was decided that the one idea would be granted permission to secede all other designs presented by foundations, institutions, and faith based organizations. You see, the men had horses then, and the horses were fast. Quite simply, the men rode their horses throughout the countryside and the countryside was rolling hills and stone farmhouses and small brooks and nested fields.
There was, in fact, no faster way to spread the idea (nor implement the idea) since there weren’t any things in the sky any longer and there weren't any things flying around the earth any longer. And I must admit there was quite some promise at the beginning. The execution was remarkably swift. At the end of the first week, the picnic areas were filled with eaters and the eaters were hungry. The volunteers were well dressed and easily disposed to find comfort in their neighbor and in the safety and honor in the idea. But, after a while, a few disputes broke out and it did not seem that the idea was as good as it was initially perceived.
So we went back to the table on the south side of Bell Island and we began to draw up another idea. The first idea had been to put all the women with babies in the bottom of a well. The women with babies were vulnerable and since the dawning of the new war manuals—they were enemy targets. We were concerned, rightly so, that a successful massacre of these helpless and hopeless women and children would leave us embarrassingly crippled and descendent-less.
That was out-right foolish on our part.
Really, it is quite impossible to become descendent-less. We all agreed on that after some time and the women with the babies were brought out of the wells and we shook hands with the women and the babies were covered in dust and ash and some of the babies died when they came back up to the surface because it was a difficult adjustment. There are some unfortunate casualties in the implications of ideas and, as thoroughly and professionally as the idea was put in place and administered there were still some people that were not able to follow directions or were unfortunate victims of circumstance.
At the time of the drawing of the second idea, there were seventeen members in our cabinet and each member of the cabinet was responsible for writing one thoroughly plausible and appropriate idea. The best idea from the group of seventeen was to be administered. In retrospect, our second chosen idea was probably not the best either. It is remarkably amazing that a group of well-educated and wealthy men could choose the wrong idea. However, there is great merit in the grace and dignity with which we led our nation against the extremists and hardliners of the north.
[s]
After a considerable amount of debate, it was decided that the one idea would be granted permission to secede all other designs presented by foundations, institutions, and faith based organizations. You see, the men had horses then, and the horses were fast. Quite simply, the men rode their horses throughout the countryside and the countryside was rolling hills and stone farmhouses and small brooks and nested fields.
There was, in fact, no faster way to spread the idea (nor implement the idea) since there weren’t any things in the sky any longer and there weren't any things flying around the earth any longer. And I must admit there was quite some promise at the beginning. The execution was remarkably swift. At the end of the first week, the picnic areas were filled with eaters and the eaters were hungry. The volunteers were well dressed and easily disposed to find comfort in their neighbor and in the safety and honor in the idea. But, after a while, a few disputes broke out and it did not seem that the idea was as good as it was initially perceived.
So we went back to the table on the south side of Bell Island and we began to draw up another idea. The first idea had been to put all the women with babies in the bottom of a well. The women with babies were vulnerable and since the dawning of the new war manuals—they were enemy targets. We were concerned, rightly so, that a successful massacre of these helpless and hopeless women and children would leave us embarrassingly crippled and descendent-less.
That was out-right foolish on our part.
Really, it is quite impossible to become descendent-less. We all agreed on that after some time and the women with the babies were brought out of the wells and we shook hands with the women and the babies were covered in dust and ash and some of the babies died when they came back up to the surface because it was a difficult adjustment. There are some unfortunate casualties in the implications of ideas and, as thoroughly and professionally as the idea was put in place and administered there were still some people that were not able to follow directions or were unfortunate victims of circumstance.
At the time of the drawing of the second idea, there were seventeen members in our cabinet and each member of the cabinet was responsible for writing one thoroughly plausible and appropriate idea. The best idea from the group of seventeen was to be administered. In retrospect, our second chosen idea was probably not the best either. It is remarkably amazing that a group of well-educated and wealthy men could choose the wrong idea. However, there is great merit in the grace and dignity with which we led our nation against the extremists and hardliners of the north.
[s]
8.03.2006
The man with the gun is famous and he is a foster father
a.
The bank robbing men shoot the workingmen and the bank robbing men steal the jewelry and the money.
b.
Sheila is six and she cannot read the headline. Sheila makes cow noises at the dinner table and Sheila gets slapped in the face and Sheila starts to bleed and now Sheila is a foster child. She is case number 114310-A.
c.
The lobby has fluorescent lights. I had my money in that fucking bank, Dale says. You should be a car racer then you would make more money, the teller says. Fuck you, Dale says. It is seventy-seven degrees at nine a.m.
I hope it doesn’t rain, Stewart says to Martha. Stewart and Martha are newly-weds. It would really be too bad if it rained on their honeymoon.
d.
The headline says that the mobsters are in the city again, Martin says to Sheila. Last time the mobsters were in the city I couldn’t go to the town pool, Sheila says. That is because there were dead people floating in the pool and I didn’t think that it would be appropriate for you to swim with dead people now finish your toast.
e.
Martin works at the bank. Banks have money. Martin wears a hairpiece. Martin hides coconut rum in his office drawer. It is like the Caribbean without the sunburn, he says. You poor sucker, Michelle says. Michelle has a snicker that sounds like a pig and Michelle is fat and Michelle is also a sucker.
f.
The mobsters are in the bank when Martin arrives at the bank and the mobsters are stealing money from the bank. Who is in charge, Martin asks the mobsters and the mobsters point at a man that has a black hat.
g.
The city is more beautiful at night but there are more people shot when the city is beautiful and Sheila is in the 22nd precinct waiting for her foster father. The mobsters only want money from the safe, Jack says to Martin. Jack is the regional manager. Jack has sex twice a week: on Sunday afternoons and Friday mornings. Jack’s wife is a vegetarian and she wears leather pants.
Jack’s wife wants to be in a rock and roll band because then people will point and say: I want to be Jack’s wife. That would be odd, Jack thinks. Jack’s wife is usually asleep on Friday mornings. Jack has sex once a week. Jack makes elephant noises.
h.
Poor sucker.
i.
I used to drink banana rum but that gave me bad indigestion, Martin says. Do you want twenties or fifties, Martin asks the man in the black hat. Jack tried out for the circus when he was seventeen but the circus man said that he looked like a lamb.
j.
Go piss yourself.
[s]
The bank robbing men shoot the workingmen and the bank robbing men steal the jewelry and the money.
b.
Sheila is six and she cannot read the headline. Sheila makes cow noises at the dinner table and Sheila gets slapped in the face and Sheila starts to bleed and now Sheila is a foster child. She is case number 114310-A.
c.
The lobby has fluorescent lights. I had my money in that fucking bank, Dale says. You should be a car racer then you would make more money, the teller says. Fuck you, Dale says. It is seventy-seven degrees at nine a.m.
I hope it doesn’t rain, Stewart says to Martha. Stewart and Martha are newly-weds. It would really be too bad if it rained on their honeymoon.
d.
The headline says that the mobsters are in the city again, Martin says to Sheila. Last time the mobsters were in the city I couldn’t go to the town pool, Sheila says. That is because there were dead people floating in the pool and I didn’t think that it would be appropriate for you to swim with dead people now finish your toast.
e.
Martin works at the bank. Banks have money. Martin wears a hairpiece. Martin hides coconut rum in his office drawer. It is like the Caribbean without the sunburn, he says. You poor sucker, Michelle says. Michelle has a snicker that sounds like a pig and Michelle is fat and Michelle is also a sucker.
f.
The mobsters are in the bank when Martin arrives at the bank and the mobsters are stealing money from the bank. Who is in charge, Martin asks the mobsters and the mobsters point at a man that has a black hat.
g.
The city is more beautiful at night but there are more people shot when the city is beautiful and Sheila is in the 22nd precinct waiting for her foster father. The mobsters only want money from the safe, Jack says to Martin. Jack is the regional manager. Jack has sex twice a week: on Sunday afternoons and Friday mornings. Jack’s wife is a vegetarian and she wears leather pants.
Jack’s wife wants to be in a rock and roll band because then people will point and say: I want to be Jack’s wife. That would be odd, Jack thinks. Jack’s wife is usually asleep on Friday mornings. Jack has sex once a week. Jack makes elephant noises.
h.
Poor sucker.
i.
I used to drink banana rum but that gave me bad indigestion, Martin says. Do you want twenties or fifties, Martin asks the man in the black hat. Jack tried out for the circus when he was seventeen but the circus man said that he looked like a lamb.
j.
Go piss yourself.
[s]
7.22.2006
Oklahoma is an Egg
a.
It is Sunday. Stan cracks eggs in the sink. I have cracked the world, Stan mumbles. Stan eats eggs for breakfast and wonders if he would have liked being born Swiss.
b.
Stacey has blood on her face and she is crying and she is in the middle of the street. There are cars in the street and the cars are stopped. Why are all the cars stopped, Mike asks. Mike drives a Saab and he has high cheek bones. Why did you buy a Swedish car, Dan asks.
c.
You should tell the girl to get out of the street, Mike says to Dan. Get out of the street, Dan says to the girl. The girl does not move but the girl is still bleeding and she looks like she is from a movie that is about killing. Dan is a bus driver. He weighs two hundred and fifteen pounds. The children are in the bus and the children are making noise.
You should tell the children to be quiet, Mike says to Dan. Be quiet children, Dan says to the children. The girl is trying to kill herself, Jill says. I don't think the children can be quiet on Sunday, Dan says.
d.
The race is on Sunday. The race is uphill. There are many runners in the race.
e.
The Sunday paper says that the children in Oklahoma are hungry and that the children in Oklahoma do not have that many clothes and that the children in Oklahoma are really poor. Have you heard about the children in Oklahoma, Dan asks Mike. Why is the girl still in the street, Mike asks. She is still trying to kill herself, Dan says. I am going to miss the start of the race, Mike says. Did you know that the race is uphill this year, Jill asks.
f.
The race starts because the gun is fired. The men and women run uphill and the people on the grass clap their hands and some of the people give the runners water. The runners look serious and they run up the hill very fast and they look like they are meant to run uphill and it is quite a race. This is quite a race, Stan says.
g.
Now the girl has scissors in her hand and she is cutting herself and now her arms are bleeding and she is not crying anymore but she is very pale and she looks thin in the eyes. At least she has stopped crying, Mike says. The children in the bus are not making noise anymore. The children are watching the girl in the street. She is like a monster, Sally says. Sally is twelve.
h.
It is quite frightening, Dan says, to take the whole world and turn it on its end. But it is a good way to get to heaven and it is a good way to know how strong you are. Mike nods and Mike takes off his racing number and he walks back to his car. She will be dead soon, Mike says to Tracy. We missed the race, Tracy says.
Occasionally, it is the oddest thing to see a girl cut her arms open with scissors in the middle of the street in the middle of the city. She didn’t even cry all that much, Mike mutters, not even when she started taking off her skin.
i.
I think I am going to buy Oklahoma, Stan says to Rita. Oklahoma is very poor and the people in Oklahoma do not have that many clothes. Do they have eggs in Oklahoma, Rita asks. I don’t know, Stan says.
j.
In the afternoon, Buck wins the race and he stands on top of the hill and he looks at the mountains and he thinks that the mountains are very beautiful like they too were made from an egg.
[s]
It is Sunday. Stan cracks eggs in the sink. I have cracked the world, Stan mumbles. Stan eats eggs for breakfast and wonders if he would have liked being born Swiss.
b.
Stacey has blood on her face and she is crying and she is in the middle of the street. There are cars in the street and the cars are stopped. Why are all the cars stopped, Mike asks. Mike drives a Saab and he has high cheek bones. Why did you buy a Swedish car, Dan asks.
c.
You should tell the girl to get out of the street, Mike says to Dan. Get out of the street, Dan says to the girl. The girl does not move but the girl is still bleeding and she looks like she is from a movie that is about killing. Dan is a bus driver. He weighs two hundred and fifteen pounds. The children are in the bus and the children are making noise.
You should tell the children to be quiet, Mike says to Dan. Be quiet children, Dan says to the children. The girl is trying to kill herself, Jill says. I don't think the children can be quiet on Sunday, Dan says.
d.
The race is on Sunday. The race is uphill. There are many runners in the race.
e.
The Sunday paper says that the children in Oklahoma are hungry and that the children in Oklahoma do not have that many clothes and that the children in Oklahoma are really poor. Have you heard about the children in Oklahoma, Dan asks Mike. Why is the girl still in the street, Mike asks. She is still trying to kill herself, Dan says. I am going to miss the start of the race, Mike says. Did you know that the race is uphill this year, Jill asks.
f.
The race starts because the gun is fired. The men and women run uphill and the people on the grass clap their hands and some of the people give the runners water. The runners look serious and they run up the hill very fast and they look like they are meant to run uphill and it is quite a race. This is quite a race, Stan says.
g.
Now the girl has scissors in her hand and she is cutting herself and now her arms are bleeding and she is not crying anymore but she is very pale and she looks thin in the eyes. At least she has stopped crying, Mike says. The children in the bus are not making noise anymore. The children are watching the girl in the street. She is like a monster, Sally says. Sally is twelve.
h.
It is quite frightening, Dan says, to take the whole world and turn it on its end. But it is a good way to get to heaven and it is a good way to know how strong you are. Mike nods and Mike takes off his racing number and he walks back to his car. She will be dead soon, Mike says to Tracy. We missed the race, Tracy says.
Occasionally, it is the oddest thing to see a girl cut her arms open with scissors in the middle of the street in the middle of the city. She didn’t even cry all that much, Mike mutters, not even when she started taking off her skin.
i.
I think I am going to buy Oklahoma, Stan says to Rita. Oklahoma is very poor and the people in Oklahoma do not have that many clothes. Do they have eggs in Oklahoma, Rita asks. I don’t know, Stan says.
j.
In the afternoon, Buck wins the race and he stands on top of the hill and he looks at the mountains and he thinks that the mountains are very beautiful like they too were made from an egg.
[s]
7.13.2006
Hank runs into the Law and gets sidelined
I.
Hank strangles Lilly. Lilly is the name of a flower. There are flowers in the garden and the flowers are red and orange. It is the doctor’s voice and it is in my head and Hank is screaming because he has red hands. It seems that Lilly was bleeding in her mouth and then she was bleeding on the rug and Hank tried to make her stop. But she was dead because she had been strangled. It is the doctor’s voice again.
There is science in the auditorium every Thursday. The first graders are making little volcanoes and the second graders are making biospheres. Nothing can get in and out of the biosphere. A little while ago, some scientists made a gigantic biosphere. The biosphere was the size of a mall. Some of the scientists lived in it for a while. The scientists had white robes and they walked around the biosphere with clipboards. Each day, the scientists wrote down numbers and the numbers were quite clever at dividing everything into cause and effect. It is consequential thinking, the doctor says. It is his voice again and it is in my head.
Or maybe the numbers on the clipboards said what the things were. I don’t remember. Biospheres are complicated. The radio says that soon there will be biospheres in space because space is a vacuum. That is probably a practical conclusion to the story of the dividers. They sure have been at work for an awfully long time. It would be humorous to see them advance and evolve to the point that they were living in space.
They really are dividers. It isn’t so much a legend anymore. That is the doctor again. He comes in like that, sometimes. I think he is at the door and then he is inside. He wears glasses and his hands are cold and my heart beats faster when he is in my house but I am not excited and I am certainly not sexually aroused.
Not scientifically.
Lilly asks Hank to strangle her. She asked you, the doctor asks. Yes, she asked me. There were strange wires in her head and the wires were telling her to sit and then to stand and then to sleep and she said the wires were connected to her chest. I had to stop the wires, I say in the end. So you strangled her. There is one last step and it is not really like the rest of the steps, the doctor says and he is smug and he is writing many notes that detail me. You took the last step and you killed her. Now the doctor is cleaning his glasses.
Lilly is bleeding in her mouth and the television is on and the man on the television is saying that a bomb went off in a shopping mall in the capital. A lot of people on the television are in pain and the people have faces that look like they are really scared. I think that the people on the television think that their lives are really important. Maybe their lives are really important. It doesn't really matter, though, their lives are almost over. The television also shows pictures of blown up people and some of the people have metal lodged into their chests and some of the people don’t look that unhappy--even though they are dead. Some of the people look like the last step hadn’t been that bad. Maybe the last step didn't really have anything to do with them at all. Or science.
Hank is in jail because the men and women in the courtroom say that he is guilty and that he should live in jail. Hank lives with Matt. Matt likes to steal cars and Matt likes to burn cars. Sometimes, Matt shoots guns at people. You are going to be in here for a long time, Hank says. I know, Matt says. Shut up, the prison guard says. It is after eleven. They have only made the rules, Hank says.
The prison is not so unhappy, at least for a moment.
II.
The fabled and provocative concern that the rules are made by the bystanders circuitously and perhaps unfavorably finds the ears of the Minister. He was ruthless in his first term and he was congratulated by moderate and humble society for his excellence in preservation. The pinnacle of government had never witnessed a command as thorough, strict and meticulous. It was, therefore, decidedly unfortunate that he was to witness such a complaint early in his second term. In truth, there were several occasions that he remembered quite well. He remembered hunting duck, walking along the shoreline and throwing stones, and eating ice cream at a parlor on Baker St. These were memories and were splendid additions to his life. How could these truly be spectator events.
It is surprising therefore, his wife later recalled, that he hastily shot himself after parading naked through French Hills, a quaint and wealthy neighborhood.
[s]
Hank strangles Lilly. Lilly is the name of a flower. There are flowers in the garden and the flowers are red and orange. It is the doctor’s voice and it is in my head and Hank is screaming because he has red hands. It seems that Lilly was bleeding in her mouth and then she was bleeding on the rug and Hank tried to make her stop. But she was dead because she had been strangled. It is the doctor’s voice again.
There is science in the auditorium every Thursday. The first graders are making little volcanoes and the second graders are making biospheres. Nothing can get in and out of the biosphere. A little while ago, some scientists made a gigantic biosphere. The biosphere was the size of a mall. Some of the scientists lived in it for a while. The scientists had white robes and they walked around the biosphere with clipboards. Each day, the scientists wrote down numbers and the numbers were quite clever at dividing everything into cause and effect. It is consequential thinking, the doctor says. It is his voice again and it is in my head.
Or maybe the numbers on the clipboards said what the things were. I don’t remember. Biospheres are complicated. The radio says that soon there will be biospheres in space because space is a vacuum. That is probably a practical conclusion to the story of the dividers. They sure have been at work for an awfully long time. It would be humorous to see them advance and evolve to the point that they were living in space.
They really are dividers. It isn’t so much a legend anymore. That is the doctor again. He comes in like that, sometimes. I think he is at the door and then he is inside. He wears glasses and his hands are cold and my heart beats faster when he is in my house but I am not excited and I am certainly not sexually aroused.
Not scientifically.
Lilly asks Hank to strangle her. She asked you, the doctor asks. Yes, she asked me. There were strange wires in her head and the wires were telling her to sit and then to stand and then to sleep and she said the wires were connected to her chest. I had to stop the wires, I say in the end. So you strangled her. There is one last step and it is not really like the rest of the steps, the doctor says and he is smug and he is writing many notes that detail me. You took the last step and you killed her. Now the doctor is cleaning his glasses.
Lilly is bleeding in her mouth and the television is on and the man on the television is saying that a bomb went off in a shopping mall in the capital. A lot of people on the television are in pain and the people have faces that look like they are really scared. I think that the people on the television think that their lives are really important. Maybe their lives are really important. It doesn't really matter, though, their lives are almost over. The television also shows pictures of blown up people and some of the people have metal lodged into their chests and some of the people don’t look that unhappy--even though they are dead. Some of the people look like the last step hadn’t been that bad. Maybe the last step didn't really have anything to do with them at all. Or science.
Hank is in jail because the men and women in the courtroom say that he is guilty and that he should live in jail. Hank lives with Matt. Matt likes to steal cars and Matt likes to burn cars. Sometimes, Matt shoots guns at people. You are going to be in here for a long time, Hank says. I know, Matt says. Shut up, the prison guard says. It is after eleven. They have only made the rules, Hank says.
The prison is not so unhappy, at least for a moment.
II.
The fabled and provocative concern that the rules are made by the bystanders circuitously and perhaps unfavorably finds the ears of the Minister. He was ruthless in his first term and he was congratulated by moderate and humble society for his excellence in preservation. The pinnacle of government had never witnessed a command as thorough, strict and meticulous. It was, therefore, decidedly unfortunate that he was to witness such a complaint early in his second term. In truth, there were several occasions that he remembered quite well. He remembered hunting duck, walking along the shoreline and throwing stones, and eating ice cream at a parlor on Baker St. These were memories and were splendid additions to his life. How could these truly be spectator events.
It is surprising therefore, his wife later recalled, that he hastily shot himself after parading naked through French Hills, a quaint and wealthy neighborhood.
[s]
7.09.2006
Convert
I.
i.
She is gathered on her end and she is stained and in a ditch. There is a darkness in the unshadowed mind of the unsettled tyrants. She is unmarried and she is fair. The turns of the morning’s events stir and become the attention of the underburdened aristocracy. She is unmarried and fair.
ii
Yes, she is unmarried.
iii
The rest of the saturated men are not equaled nor proselytized as quickly. You are a king she says and she is unsurprised by his surprise. The north star, he says. He was converted early and he was married early. She is an ape.
iv
On the often unbeaten chance that she might allow him to suicide, there are the directions in the drawer and the directions say: Stop.
She is a unmarried, sir. Her hands have been cut off and are on the floor of the main hall of the castle. We live in a fucking castle, he says. And now she has no hands to add to her duality.
The men that are in the hall applaud and smile. She has been loved prior to the arrangement between two sophisticated and sure countries. We are afraid, President Honreau says.
II.
i.
The man twists and is morality. It is only his individual hope and understanding that permits him to succeed in establishing the black and white society. It is a state that is torn and split between a moral dirt and an untamed criminal seed.
Enough, he says and he is faintly crippled but secure. He thinks, sometimes, about his own balance.
There were not these types before, counsel says. These are the fingered hands of an unskinned settler. This is the thanks. The day is not un-wet.
The world again has come to war against them. It is all that is understood. This, however, is not unlike any reality the world has not known—could not ever know. Better yet, it is the only world that could be possible.
She doesn’t have any fingers. She doesn’t have any hands. And she is breaking. It is, therefore, infinitely mysterious, she says. It is complex and rude and holy and unholy. It is something and one thing to its finite inhabitants.
And we do, after all, die. I have not been passing things along as well as others, he supposes.
ii.
This is it, perhaps, to us. To the world, there is always the next time. Turn into the war again and turn and cut her hands off again. We, or something else, is here. He is an advisor to the prince and he muses with himself in the early mornings. Each day like the one before it—except to one who knows that there are only so many days or there are not. We clever dividers.
iii.
These are now times to suicide or to un-adorn and to drive to know the skin and heart of man and woman. Or lush and lurk and play. She is smiling and he is smiling and she has no hands because they were cut off.
Prophet?
Prophet?
Prophet?
There are not those types here. Sit and settle. It is time to live the second half. Here I may sit.
[s]
i.
She is gathered on her end and she is stained and in a ditch. There is a darkness in the unshadowed mind of the unsettled tyrants. She is unmarried and she is fair. The turns of the morning’s events stir and become the attention of the underburdened aristocracy. She is unmarried and fair.
ii
Yes, she is unmarried.
iii
The rest of the saturated men are not equaled nor proselytized as quickly. You are a king she says and she is unsurprised by his surprise. The north star, he says. He was converted early and he was married early. She is an ape.
iv
On the often unbeaten chance that she might allow him to suicide, there are the directions in the drawer and the directions say: Stop.
She is a unmarried, sir. Her hands have been cut off and are on the floor of the main hall of the castle. We live in a fucking castle, he says. And now she has no hands to add to her duality.
The men that are in the hall applaud and smile. She has been loved prior to the arrangement between two sophisticated and sure countries. We are afraid, President Honreau says.
II.
i.
The man twists and is morality. It is only his individual hope and understanding that permits him to succeed in establishing the black and white society. It is a state that is torn and split between a moral dirt and an untamed criminal seed.
Enough, he says and he is faintly crippled but secure. He thinks, sometimes, about his own balance.
There were not these types before, counsel says. These are the fingered hands of an unskinned settler. This is the thanks. The day is not un-wet.
The world again has come to war against them. It is all that is understood. This, however, is not unlike any reality the world has not known—could not ever know. Better yet, it is the only world that could be possible.
She doesn’t have any fingers. She doesn’t have any hands. And she is breaking. It is, therefore, infinitely mysterious, she says. It is complex and rude and holy and unholy. It is something and one thing to its finite inhabitants.
And we do, after all, die. I have not been passing things along as well as others, he supposes.
ii.
This is it, perhaps, to us. To the world, there is always the next time. Turn into the war again and turn and cut her hands off again. We, or something else, is here. He is an advisor to the prince and he muses with himself in the early mornings. Each day like the one before it—except to one who knows that there are only so many days or there are not. We clever dividers.
iii.
These are now times to suicide or to un-adorn and to drive to know the skin and heart of man and woman. Or lush and lurk and play. She is smiling and he is smiling and she has no hands because they were cut off.
Prophet?
Prophet?
Prophet?
There are not those types here. Sit and settle. It is time to live the second half. Here I may sit.
[s]
7.07.2006
It is a National Holiday
Part Ones
He is a fish and he is trying to swim in the street and there is water in the street. He is a fish and he is captured and he is dried out. He walks like he doesn’t have that many bones in his legs, Betty says.
Part Twos
Champagne costs $11.95 at the corner store. The hospital car is white and red and the hospital car has a loud siren and the siren is on.
My mother gives me $15 and I go to the store and I tell Betty that I want two dozen eggs and three loafs of bread because my mother is going to make French toast. My younger brother, Sammy, has throat cancer and the doctor says he is going to die. Does he like French toast, Dr. Holland asks my mother. He loves French toast, my mother says. We are out of eggs, Betty says.
The woman in the street is a hooker and she has sex with men and some of the men have cars and some of the men wear suits and some of the men look like they work in offices downtown. They have names like Bob and Dave and Mike and Sean. Bob and Dave and Mike and Sean give the woman $25 and she makes them feel really good. I have $25 but I stay in my room and stare at the wall. I have a picture of Madonna on my wall.
The nurse is thin and pale and her veins stick out of her arm and she sticks needles into Sammy. You are going to die, the nurse says but she doesn’t look at Sammy. You have bad skin, Dr. Holland says to Sammy. A little while ago, Sammy was a really good basketball player. Now, he sits in bed and vomits and looks really sick like he is death.
Part Threes
Sammy is playing basketball and then Sammy is turning white and then Sammy collapses on the basketball court and he is taken to the school nurse and his nose is bleeding. He has cancer, the school nurse says. Sammy is ten and he is tall. Soon, he is white like people shouldn't be white and he loses all his skin and he loses all his hair and he looks like a monster.
Oh my, the nurse says.
The red and white truck comes to the school and the truck takes Sammy to the hospital and the nurse at the hospital sticks needles into his arm. Sammy has round eyes and he is sweating and he is looking very bad. The nurse was correct, the doctor says later, you are going to die.
Everyone comes to the funeral and Sammy looks very white when he is dead. The mother cries and says Sammy was soon to be eleven. She is a silly woman. A girl in a blue and white dress plays the guitar and sings a folk song. It isn’t really funny that the boy is dead but it is pretty funny that the girl is playing guitar and singing a folk song.
Part Fours
It is odd that I am terrified of people, the doctor says. He is such a horrid thing, the nurse says. Betty raises the price of champagne to $14.95. The man who is a fish has skin that peels off and sticks to the street.
[s]
He is a fish and he is trying to swim in the street and there is water in the street. He is a fish and he is captured and he is dried out. He walks like he doesn’t have that many bones in his legs, Betty says.
Part Twos
Champagne costs $11.95 at the corner store. The hospital car is white and red and the hospital car has a loud siren and the siren is on.
My mother gives me $15 and I go to the store and I tell Betty that I want two dozen eggs and three loafs of bread because my mother is going to make French toast. My younger brother, Sammy, has throat cancer and the doctor says he is going to die. Does he like French toast, Dr. Holland asks my mother. He loves French toast, my mother says. We are out of eggs, Betty says.
The woman in the street is a hooker and she has sex with men and some of the men have cars and some of the men wear suits and some of the men look like they work in offices downtown. They have names like Bob and Dave and Mike and Sean. Bob and Dave and Mike and Sean give the woman $25 and she makes them feel really good. I have $25 but I stay in my room and stare at the wall. I have a picture of Madonna on my wall.
The nurse is thin and pale and her veins stick out of her arm and she sticks needles into Sammy. You are going to die, the nurse says but she doesn’t look at Sammy. You have bad skin, Dr. Holland says to Sammy. A little while ago, Sammy was a really good basketball player. Now, he sits in bed and vomits and looks really sick like he is death.
Part Threes
Sammy is playing basketball and then Sammy is turning white and then Sammy collapses on the basketball court and he is taken to the school nurse and his nose is bleeding. He has cancer, the school nurse says. Sammy is ten and he is tall. Soon, he is white like people shouldn't be white and he loses all his skin and he loses all his hair and he looks like a monster.
Oh my, the nurse says.
The red and white truck comes to the school and the truck takes Sammy to the hospital and the nurse at the hospital sticks needles into his arm. Sammy has round eyes and he is sweating and he is looking very bad. The nurse was correct, the doctor says later, you are going to die.
Everyone comes to the funeral and Sammy looks very white when he is dead. The mother cries and says Sammy was soon to be eleven. She is a silly woman. A girl in a blue and white dress plays the guitar and sings a folk song. It isn’t really funny that the boy is dead but it is pretty funny that the girl is playing guitar and singing a folk song.
Part Fours
It is odd that I am terrified of people, the doctor says. He is such a horrid thing, the nurse says. Betty raises the price of champagne to $14.95. The man who is a fish has skin that peels off and sticks to the street.
[s]
7.06.2006
a fade
a.
The mother is in surgery and the doctor cuts open her chest and the mother is bleeding on the table.
b.
He is in the bathtub and it is Sunday afternoon. He is untying his skin and his blood is hot and it is warm outside but it is not warm inside. The room is white and the walls are white and the sink is white but it all looks yellow because the light is yellow.
c.
You had webs in your feet when you were born, the mother says but she is whispering and the doctor is touching her heart and she has more blood on the hospital floor. The sunrise, outside, is like a monster and it is red like an explosion and a car on the highway drives into the grass.
d.
It is a line that he has heard. It is a line about dawn and darkness and a finger that comes in and has no hand. He shakes it off and the water in the tub is not as warm anymore and he thinks that he has not been dreaming that softly. The previous summer was like hell, he thinks.
e.
The doctor has a yellow car that is yellow like it would be if the light were yellow and the room were white. Like my bathroom, he says. Like it would be if I died in this bathroom, he says. The doctor nods and shakes his shoulders like he just got sensitive in the neck.
f.
The mother is from a working class family and her kids are all grown up and have jobs.
g.
Sew her back up. There is still time, in the later part of the evening, for a circle. The children hold hands and sing a song.
h.
There isn’t that much room for her in the waiting room. She stands and holds her bathrobe close to her body because she is still bleeding and she is bleeding on the floor and her chest is not closed that well. There is not really an illusion that is all un-real. It just seems that the struggling are suicidally lit.
i.
He gets out of the tub and he decides, rather quickly and harshly, that there is not time for the hot blood. He dries himself and then it is difficult to see him because most of the things around him begin to fade because he puts dirt on top of them.
j.
The mother is an excited soil and it is a long exodus to winter.
[s]
The mother is in surgery and the doctor cuts open her chest and the mother is bleeding on the table.
b.
He is in the bathtub and it is Sunday afternoon. He is untying his skin and his blood is hot and it is warm outside but it is not warm inside. The room is white and the walls are white and the sink is white but it all looks yellow because the light is yellow.
c.
You had webs in your feet when you were born, the mother says but she is whispering and the doctor is touching her heart and she has more blood on the hospital floor. The sunrise, outside, is like a monster and it is red like an explosion and a car on the highway drives into the grass.
d.
It is a line that he has heard. It is a line about dawn and darkness and a finger that comes in and has no hand. He shakes it off and the water in the tub is not as warm anymore and he thinks that he has not been dreaming that softly. The previous summer was like hell, he thinks.
e.
The doctor has a yellow car that is yellow like it would be if the light were yellow and the room were white. Like my bathroom, he says. Like it would be if I died in this bathroom, he says. The doctor nods and shakes his shoulders like he just got sensitive in the neck.
f.
The mother is from a working class family and her kids are all grown up and have jobs.
g.
Sew her back up. There is still time, in the later part of the evening, for a circle. The children hold hands and sing a song.
h.
There isn’t that much room for her in the waiting room. She stands and holds her bathrobe close to her body because she is still bleeding and she is bleeding on the floor and her chest is not closed that well. There is not really an illusion that is all un-real. It just seems that the struggling are suicidally lit.
i.
He gets out of the tub and he decides, rather quickly and harshly, that there is not time for the hot blood. He dries himself and then it is difficult to see him because most of the things around him begin to fade because he puts dirt on top of them.
j.
The mother is an excited soil and it is a long exodus to winter.
[s]
7.02.2006
American
I.
She is decided to suicide. The slow ride in the car from the wake was enough to tell her that she shouldn’t have to see anymore. She has small cuts on her feet and she is a small girl and she has lost most of her color and now she looks white.
The water breaks and the baby is born and the baby has dark hair and dark eyes and the doctor is from India or Pakistan or Afghanistan. Why is my baby dark, Mrs. Hanley asks. You fucking Arab, Mr. King says.
II.
The dance is for teenagers and the teenagers are white and the teenagers dance like they are having sex. The DJ plays rap music and Mrs. Hanley touches Mr. King.
Mike is on the junior varsity tennis team and Mike has sex with Sally in a parked Ford Escort and Sally gets pregnant and Sally is dark. You fucking whore, Mike says.
III.
There are little animals with horns and the animals are in the street. There are white people being murdered and there are white people sticking needles into small babies and there are white people urinating and defecating in the churches and it is raining.
We don’t want anymore of that fucking music in our town, Principle Harris says.
IV.
Why do you live in the basement, Hollis asks Michelle. The basement is flooded and there are animals with yellow eyes in the basement and the animals make squeaking sounds and Hollis is scared. My sister is home soon and then it won’t be as scary, Michelle says.
V.
I had sex when I was fifteen and the baby was born dark, Mrs. Stevens says and she makes little crying noises in the pantry because she can’t sleep. You have bruises on your ribs, Dr. Jacobs says.
Sally has no clothes on and she is in the park and soon her stomach will become round and she starts to cry and it is dark and the white people with needles are banging trash can lids and they are close.
VI.
There is a baby in the street and the baby is dark. Why is the baby in the street, Hollis asks Michelle.
She suicides and later he learns how to Waltz and the chaperones at the dance wear perfume and drink seltzer.
[s]
She is decided to suicide. The slow ride in the car from the wake was enough to tell her that she shouldn’t have to see anymore. She has small cuts on her feet and she is a small girl and she has lost most of her color and now she looks white.
The water breaks and the baby is born and the baby has dark hair and dark eyes and the doctor is from India or Pakistan or Afghanistan. Why is my baby dark, Mrs. Hanley asks. You fucking Arab, Mr. King says.
II.
The dance is for teenagers and the teenagers are white and the teenagers dance like they are having sex. The DJ plays rap music and Mrs. Hanley touches Mr. King.
Mike is on the junior varsity tennis team and Mike has sex with Sally in a parked Ford Escort and Sally gets pregnant and Sally is dark. You fucking whore, Mike says.
III.
There are little animals with horns and the animals are in the street. There are white people being murdered and there are white people sticking needles into small babies and there are white people urinating and defecating in the churches and it is raining.
We don’t want anymore of that fucking music in our town, Principle Harris says.
IV.
Why do you live in the basement, Hollis asks Michelle. The basement is flooded and there are animals with yellow eyes in the basement and the animals make squeaking sounds and Hollis is scared. My sister is home soon and then it won’t be as scary, Michelle says.
V.
I had sex when I was fifteen and the baby was born dark, Mrs. Stevens says and she makes little crying noises in the pantry because she can’t sleep. You have bruises on your ribs, Dr. Jacobs says.
Sally has no clothes on and she is in the park and soon her stomach will become round and she starts to cry and it is dark and the white people with needles are banging trash can lids and they are close.
VI.
There is a baby in the street and the baby is dark. Why is the baby in the street, Hollis asks Michelle.
She suicides and later he learns how to Waltz and the chaperones at the dance wear perfume and drink seltzer.
[s]
6.30.2006
141
I.
a.
He is thin and he is pale and he looks like he is not eating and he looks like he is not in the sun too often.
b.
It is spring and the trees are green and there are little flowers on the ground and the flowers are red and blue and some of them are orange.
c.
He coughs and sits inside and it is dark inside.
d.
He is going to die because he is sick and his medicine does not make him well, Tracy says. It is early and there is light in the room from the one window. The sun in the desert is yellow and soon the room is yellow and soon the room is warm. It will be too warm in here for him, Margaret says.
e.
He likes to sit in the dark room, Tracy says.
f.
Margaret makes quiet noises with her mouth when she is nervous.
II.
a.
He is screaming in the morning and the nurse is sticking needles into his arms and his arms are bleeding and there is blood on the floor and there is blood on the bed and the nurse has a white shirt on and the nurse has white pants on.
b.
He fell on the floor, Tracy says.
c.
Margaret has sex with him in a dark room that is in the basement of a house that is on Cleary St. Margaret wears a blue and white mask and in the early morning her body is tan and smooth.
d.
He is awake and he is screaming.
e.
The sheets are red and he has been bleeding again and his body is hairless and he is white and parts of him are blue.
f.
The nurse has white gloves and sometimes she is crying.
[s]
a.
He is thin and he is pale and he looks like he is not eating and he looks like he is not in the sun too often.
b.
It is spring and the trees are green and there are little flowers on the ground and the flowers are red and blue and some of them are orange.
c.
He coughs and sits inside and it is dark inside.
d.
He is going to die because he is sick and his medicine does not make him well, Tracy says. It is early and there is light in the room from the one window. The sun in the desert is yellow and soon the room is yellow and soon the room is warm. It will be too warm in here for him, Margaret says.
e.
He likes to sit in the dark room, Tracy says.
f.
Margaret makes quiet noises with her mouth when she is nervous.
II.
a.
He is screaming in the morning and the nurse is sticking needles into his arms and his arms are bleeding and there is blood on the floor and there is blood on the bed and the nurse has a white shirt on and the nurse has white pants on.
b.
He fell on the floor, Tracy says.
c.
Margaret has sex with him in a dark room that is in the basement of a house that is on Cleary St. Margaret wears a blue and white mask and in the early morning her body is tan and smooth.
d.
He is awake and he is screaming.
e.
The sheets are red and he has been bleeding again and his body is hairless and he is white and parts of him are blue.
f.
The nurse has white gloves and sometimes she is crying.
[s]
6.26.2006
The bridge from Freemont to Columbus
I.
The wind comes from the north and the wind comes down the river and the wind is cold. The men and women on the ferry hug one another and they make faces that make them look happy but the men and women are really cold.
II.
a.
The Orange Jackets won 15-3 last night, Dave says to Martin. Dave sits next to Martin on the ferry. Dave reads about bridges. I am going to build a bridge from Freemont to Columbus, Dave says. I don’t even have a car, Martin says. You won’t need a car, Dave says. You can walk across the bridge.
b.
It is hot in July and Martin marries Stacey in the church that is on the cliff and looks at Freemont. Jefferson takes photographs and charges $1.25 for every photograph. I took fifty-five photographs, Jefferson says. I bought this tuxedo for $29.65, Martin says.
c.
Martin works at Columbus Bank. Martin is a bank teller. Columbus Bank is in Columbus. Freemont and Columbus are on a river but they are not on the same side of the river and Freemont is where people live who don’t live in Columbus. Most of the jobs are in Columbus, Stacey says and she is washing dishes.
d.
Dave is going to build a bridge to Columbus, Martin says. Martin married Stacey because she makes little kitten noises when she empties the dishwasher.
e.
Dave is in the Columbus Bank and he talks to Mr. Jacobson. Mr. Jacobson works on the top floor and he has an office that has two big windows and two big leather couches. I have a secretary that I like to have sex with, Mr. Jacobson says. I eat dinner at Gary’s Sushi because it is only $4.95 for a very big meal, Dave says.
f.
At 7:45 Martin walks to the ferry building and walks onto the ferry. On the ferry, Martin reads the Freemont Daily paper. The Freemont Daily paper writes about Columbus. The paper says: Man to build Bridge to Columbus.
g.
Two women row a boat across the Columbus River and they row in record time and the time is under ten minutes. Wow, Martin thinks. What can I do in less than ten minutes, Martin wonders but he can’t think of anything and he eventually decides that ten minutes is not that much time.
Dave builds a bridge from Freemont to Columbus. The bridge has tall towers and the bridge is silver and the bridge looks like it connects two cities that have pretty things inside them.
h.
The Columbus Bank was just bought by the Freemont Bank, Jack says. You can buy banks, Lou asks. You can't have a Freemont Bank in Columbus, Stan says. They are going to carry the bank across the bridge, Jack says.
i.
Martin sits behind the glass at the Freemont Bank. Martin asks Mrs. Morrison if she wants tens and fives or just fives. Just fives, Mrs. Morrison says.
III.
In the winter the bridge freezes and turns to ice and the cars on the bridge get stuck.
[s]
The wind comes from the north and the wind comes down the river and the wind is cold. The men and women on the ferry hug one another and they make faces that make them look happy but the men and women are really cold.
II.
a.
The Orange Jackets won 15-3 last night, Dave says to Martin. Dave sits next to Martin on the ferry. Dave reads about bridges. I am going to build a bridge from Freemont to Columbus, Dave says. I don’t even have a car, Martin says. You won’t need a car, Dave says. You can walk across the bridge.
b.
It is hot in July and Martin marries Stacey in the church that is on the cliff and looks at Freemont. Jefferson takes photographs and charges $1.25 for every photograph. I took fifty-five photographs, Jefferson says. I bought this tuxedo for $29.65, Martin says.
c.
Martin works at Columbus Bank. Martin is a bank teller. Columbus Bank is in Columbus. Freemont and Columbus are on a river but they are not on the same side of the river and Freemont is where people live who don’t live in Columbus. Most of the jobs are in Columbus, Stacey says and she is washing dishes.
d.
Dave is going to build a bridge to Columbus, Martin says. Martin married Stacey because she makes little kitten noises when she empties the dishwasher.
e.
Dave is in the Columbus Bank and he talks to Mr. Jacobson. Mr. Jacobson works on the top floor and he has an office that has two big windows and two big leather couches. I have a secretary that I like to have sex with, Mr. Jacobson says. I eat dinner at Gary’s Sushi because it is only $4.95 for a very big meal, Dave says.
f.
At 7:45 Martin walks to the ferry building and walks onto the ferry. On the ferry, Martin reads the Freemont Daily paper. The Freemont Daily paper writes about Columbus. The paper says: Man to build Bridge to Columbus.
g.
Two women row a boat across the Columbus River and they row in record time and the time is under ten minutes. Wow, Martin thinks. What can I do in less than ten minutes, Martin wonders but he can’t think of anything and he eventually decides that ten minutes is not that much time.
Dave builds a bridge from Freemont to Columbus. The bridge has tall towers and the bridge is silver and the bridge looks like it connects two cities that have pretty things inside them.
h.
The Columbus Bank was just bought by the Freemont Bank, Jack says. You can buy banks, Lou asks. You can't have a Freemont Bank in Columbus, Stan says. They are going to carry the bank across the bridge, Jack says.
i.
Martin sits behind the glass at the Freemont Bank. Martin asks Mrs. Morrison if she wants tens and fives or just fives. Just fives, Mrs. Morrison says.
III.
In the winter the bridge freezes and turns to ice and the cars on the bridge get stuck.
[s]
6.22.2006
Joy of Life is 30-1
1.
Martin lives in the hospital because he is sick and he can’t touch people or he will die. At nighttime, Martin vomits in his sleep and he smells like urine. Martin lives in a plastic room and his mother waves at him from a window and then she goes home and cries and has sex with Max.
Oh Beatrice, Max says. I left the clothes in the dryer, Beatrice says and she walks through the house naked and she looks like she is thin and pale like she is a ghost.
2.
Beatrice and Morgan are married and they have sex on Thursday mornings and Tuesday afternoons. Morgan works at the golf club and Max is twelve years old. Morgan and Beatrice eat at Julio’s on Sundays.
I like Julio’s, Beatrice thinks. In high school, Beatrice won a contest that said she was the brightest future for San Carlo. She was in a parade and the parents of the other children gave her a big party and she bought a really nice dress and she drank lots of drinks and Morgan asked her if she wanted to make sex in the Laundromat on Clark and 22nd and she said yes.
3.
Max asks Beatrice if she loves him. Do you love me, Beatrice? Of course Max, Beatrice says. Beatrice has a tattoo on her back that is a picture of a bicycle. Morgan rides his bicycle home and he sees Max and Beatrice having oral sex in the swimming pool and it is July.
4.
There are fifteen dogs in race thirteen. Your wife has sex with boys, Danny says. Joy of Life is 30-1. He won’t win and they will probably shoot him in the head after the race. They can’t shoot Joy of Life, Morgan says and Morgan puts $50 on Joy of Life and Joy of Life doesn’t place and a man who is fat walks onto the track and shoots Joy of Life in the face and there are some people at the track who clap their hands and Morgan tears up his ticket.
I don’t even like oral sex, Danny says. I don’t either, Morgan says.
5.
Lily is ten and she plays the violin and sometimes she crosses the street without looking and sometimes she hides in an old rubber stamp warehouse on Murray Hill. There are sharp nails and loose boards in the cabin but Lily says that she can hear Jesus tell Mary that he wants to have sex with her when it is quiet and she is in the warehouse.
6.
Danny and Morgan ask the woman at the track to do favors for them in the parking lot and some of the women are shy and some of the women smile and have sweaty palms and Danny and Morgan take them into the trees on the other side of the park.
Do you like Bon Jovi, Danny asks Shelly. I love Bon Jovi, Shelly says. She has red hair and she makes little twirls with her hips and she makes babies really fast. You got pregnant really fast, Danny says. I know, Shelly says. Do you like the name Lily, Shelly asks.
7.
Fuck.
8.
Jesus never said that to Mary, Father Thompson says to Lily. Father Thompson has a moustache but he isn’t supposed to wear a moustache because then he looks like he is a baseball player.
9.
Life in the fast lane, Beatrice says and smokes a cigarette.
[s]
Martin lives in the hospital because he is sick and he can’t touch people or he will die. At nighttime, Martin vomits in his sleep and he smells like urine. Martin lives in a plastic room and his mother waves at him from a window and then she goes home and cries and has sex with Max.
Oh Beatrice, Max says. I left the clothes in the dryer, Beatrice says and she walks through the house naked and she looks like she is thin and pale like she is a ghost.
2.
Beatrice and Morgan are married and they have sex on Thursday mornings and Tuesday afternoons. Morgan works at the golf club and Max is twelve years old. Morgan and Beatrice eat at Julio’s on Sundays.
I like Julio’s, Beatrice thinks. In high school, Beatrice won a contest that said she was the brightest future for San Carlo. She was in a parade and the parents of the other children gave her a big party and she bought a really nice dress and she drank lots of drinks and Morgan asked her if she wanted to make sex in the Laundromat on Clark and 22nd and she said yes.
3.
Max asks Beatrice if she loves him. Do you love me, Beatrice? Of course Max, Beatrice says. Beatrice has a tattoo on her back that is a picture of a bicycle. Morgan rides his bicycle home and he sees Max and Beatrice having oral sex in the swimming pool and it is July.
4.
There are fifteen dogs in race thirteen. Your wife has sex with boys, Danny says. Joy of Life is 30-1. He won’t win and they will probably shoot him in the head after the race. They can’t shoot Joy of Life, Morgan says and Morgan puts $50 on Joy of Life and Joy of Life doesn’t place and a man who is fat walks onto the track and shoots Joy of Life in the face and there are some people at the track who clap their hands and Morgan tears up his ticket.
I don’t even like oral sex, Danny says. I don’t either, Morgan says.
5.
Lily is ten and she plays the violin and sometimes she crosses the street without looking and sometimes she hides in an old rubber stamp warehouse on Murray Hill. There are sharp nails and loose boards in the cabin but Lily says that she can hear Jesus tell Mary that he wants to have sex with her when it is quiet and she is in the warehouse.
6.
Danny and Morgan ask the woman at the track to do favors for them in the parking lot and some of the women are shy and some of the women smile and have sweaty palms and Danny and Morgan take them into the trees on the other side of the park.
Do you like Bon Jovi, Danny asks Shelly. I love Bon Jovi, Shelly says. She has red hair and she makes little twirls with her hips and she makes babies really fast. You got pregnant really fast, Danny says. I know, Shelly says. Do you like the name Lily, Shelly asks.
7.
Fuck.
8.
Jesus never said that to Mary, Father Thompson says to Lily. Father Thompson has a moustache but he isn’t supposed to wear a moustache because then he looks like he is a baseball player.
9.
Life in the fast lane, Beatrice says and smokes a cigarette.
[s]
6.21.2006
I killed a little girl who was having trouble breathing
I.
Sally weighs one pound when she is born and she does not breathe that well and she turns into red and purple colors and she does not look that white and her mother buries her in the ground and the ground is sand and gravel and there are weeds in the ground. She will die, Aunt Susan says but Aunt Susan does not shave under her arms and Aunt Susan says bad words and she does not always wear a bra.
II.
a.
You look like a whore, Douglas Garrison says.
b.
I buried her in the ground and I put flowers on the ground and I said a prayer and then I went to church and I talked to the minister and I said three or four our fathers and then I went to the market and I had sex with some of the men who do not speak English and who work in the back of the store next to where the freezer is and I did not have one orgasm and I didn’t really like it all that much.
c.
You had sex in the freezer, Douglas Garrison says.
d.
Court is never as crowded and as dramatic as it seems to be when it is on the television. Once, I watched an entire episode of Legal Mind on the television and the lawyer told the jury that this girl wasn’t guilty and the jury still said that she was guilty and the show was really good. But then this other time the show Legal Mind had a man from a school in the northeast who said that the legal system needed to change and I said that the girl was still guilty.
e.
One of the men was washing lettuce and he asked me if I wanted to see where the lettuce was in the truck and I said I wanted to see where the lettuce was in the truck and I went back with him and he and the other guys said they wanted to play a game and I said ok but I didn’t have any orgasms and I didn’t really like it that much but it was ok and the guys were kind of nice and then I came home.
f.
I thought the guy who was my lawyer should have picked the woman with the flowered skirt and the short sleeve top because she looked like my sister and I was sure that she would be nice and know that I only buried the girl in the backyard because she was purple and red and I thought that she was going to die really soon and I wanted to be there when she died and I wanted to say some things to her right when she died so that she would go to heaven.
g.
You are going to hell, the judge says. And it is going to be hot and there are going to be animals that have sharp spears and you are going to burn for a very long time.
h.
Oh no.
III.
Aunt Susan has sex with Douglas Garrison in the back of the church and they do not go to hell because they did not bury a little girl who was purple and red and did not look that white.
[s]
Sally weighs one pound when she is born and she does not breathe that well and she turns into red and purple colors and she does not look that white and her mother buries her in the ground and the ground is sand and gravel and there are weeds in the ground. She will die, Aunt Susan says but Aunt Susan does not shave under her arms and Aunt Susan says bad words and she does not always wear a bra.
II.
a.
You look like a whore, Douglas Garrison says.
b.
I buried her in the ground and I put flowers on the ground and I said a prayer and then I went to church and I talked to the minister and I said three or four our fathers and then I went to the market and I had sex with some of the men who do not speak English and who work in the back of the store next to where the freezer is and I did not have one orgasm and I didn’t really like it all that much.
c.
You had sex in the freezer, Douglas Garrison says.
d.
Court is never as crowded and as dramatic as it seems to be when it is on the television. Once, I watched an entire episode of Legal Mind on the television and the lawyer told the jury that this girl wasn’t guilty and the jury still said that she was guilty and the show was really good. But then this other time the show Legal Mind had a man from a school in the northeast who said that the legal system needed to change and I said that the girl was still guilty.
e.
One of the men was washing lettuce and he asked me if I wanted to see where the lettuce was in the truck and I said I wanted to see where the lettuce was in the truck and I went back with him and he and the other guys said they wanted to play a game and I said ok but I didn’t have any orgasms and I didn’t really like it that much but it was ok and the guys were kind of nice and then I came home.
f.
I thought the guy who was my lawyer should have picked the woman with the flowered skirt and the short sleeve top because she looked like my sister and I was sure that she would be nice and know that I only buried the girl in the backyard because she was purple and red and I thought that she was going to die really soon and I wanted to be there when she died and I wanted to say some things to her right when she died so that she would go to heaven.
g.
You are going to hell, the judge says. And it is going to be hot and there are going to be animals that have sharp spears and you are going to burn for a very long time.
h.
Oh no.
III.
Aunt Susan has sex with Douglas Garrison in the back of the church and they do not go to hell because they did not bury a little girl who was purple and red and did not look that white.
[s]
6.20.2006
Christmas in Town
1.
The tree is green and the tree is a triangle and the children hold hands and one of them is sick.
2.
Amen and Hallelujah and Amen, the minister says. Holy-holy, the churchwoman says. That boy will die, Dan Dougherty says. Dan Dougherty likes to sit in the front row of the church. I belong in the front row on Christmas Eve, Dan Dougherty says.
3.
The tree has little white lights and the little white lights flicker. Do they still sell sno-cones at Laurel’s, Diana asks. Who does that boy belong to, Dan Dougherty asks.
4.
The tree has oddly made ornaments and the oddly made ornaments are from shops in the streets and alleys of towns like Greenwich and Carmel and Aspen and La Jolla. The boy has turns in his stomach and his mangled arms make him look like a snake.
5.
The boy is on the floor and the boy is covered in blood and urine and he looks really quite sick and ill.
6.
The boy has turned into a snake, the minister says. We should get the women out of the church, Dan Dougherty says. I will get the holy water, the minister says. The hell with holy water, Dan Dougherty says.
7.
On December 22, 1981, Jill asks Santa Claus for a blue sweater with a green and red heart in the middle. That is a silly request, Michael says. Michael is Jill’s brother and he is twelve and he kisses Sally behind the auditorium during the school dance. You taste like peppermint, Sally says. No I don’t, Michael says.
8.
Jill opens her presents. Santa gives her a blue sweater with a green and red heart in the middle. I am so happy, Jill says to her parents.
9.
Dan Dougherty drinks coffee at Laurel’s. You don’t sell sno-cones anymore, Diana asks. No, the clerk says. Maybe we should have taken him to the hospital, the minister says. He was sick, Dan Dougherty says.
10.
On Christmas day the town looks at the green tree with the white lights. Michael was the sick boy, Diana says. That is my brother, Jill says. Michael is on the ground and he is not moving. We had to shoot him in the face because he was quite sick, the minister says.
11.
Now we can’t have an open casket memorial, Jill’s mother says.
[s]
The tree is green and the tree is a triangle and the children hold hands and one of them is sick.
2.
Amen and Hallelujah and Amen, the minister says. Holy-holy, the churchwoman says. That boy will die, Dan Dougherty says. Dan Dougherty likes to sit in the front row of the church. I belong in the front row on Christmas Eve, Dan Dougherty says.
3.
The tree has little white lights and the little white lights flicker. Do they still sell sno-cones at Laurel’s, Diana asks. Who does that boy belong to, Dan Dougherty asks.
4.
The tree has oddly made ornaments and the oddly made ornaments are from shops in the streets and alleys of towns like Greenwich and Carmel and Aspen and La Jolla. The boy has turns in his stomach and his mangled arms make him look like a snake.
5.
The boy is on the floor and the boy is covered in blood and urine and he looks really quite sick and ill.
6.
The boy has turned into a snake, the minister says. We should get the women out of the church, Dan Dougherty says. I will get the holy water, the minister says. The hell with holy water, Dan Dougherty says.
7.
On December 22, 1981, Jill asks Santa Claus for a blue sweater with a green and red heart in the middle. That is a silly request, Michael says. Michael is Jill’s brother and he is twelve and he kisses Sally behind the auditorium during the school dance. You taste like peppermint, Sally says. No I don’t, Michael says.
8.
Jill opens her presents. Santa gives her a blue sweater with a green and red heart in the middle. I am so happy, Jill says to her parents.
9.
Dan Dougherty drinks coffee at Laurel’s. You don’t sell sno-cones anymore, Diana asks. No, the clerk says. Maybe we should have taken him to the hospital, the minister says. He was sick, Dan Dougherty says.
10.
On Christmas day the town looks at the green tree with the white lights. Michael was the sick boy, Diana says. That is my brother, Jill says. Michael is on the ground and he is not moving. We had to shoot him in the face because he was quite sick, the minister says.
11.
Now we can’t have an open casket memorial, Jill’s mother says.
[s]
6.19.2006
August
a.
It is five forty-five in the morning. The sun has not come out and it is cold and somebody in the hallway is shouting. The nurse is white and she is tall and she eats chocolate cake in the dining hall and she is fat.
c.
The doctor has a house on a golf course and he has a car that goes really fast. Is that good, Mary asks. Mary is the ambulance driver and she puts her body into little triangles in the morning. It is good, the doctor says. Where is the golf course, Mary asks. Someone in the hallway is shouting.
d.
The doctor is on a diet. The doctor has sex with the nurse at six fifteen. She moves her body back and forth and she makes little noises like she is a rodent. The doctor counts to seven. I am in better shape, the doctor says. The nurse looks pasty and her body is sweating and it sticks to the operating table. You look like you don’t see the sun all that much, the doctor says.
e.
Mary drives the ambulance very fast and sometimes she does not stop at the red lights even when her flashing lights are not on. They won’t like hitting an ambulance, Mary says. Who won’t, Harold asks. Harold and Mary started having sex when Mary was seventeen. Now, Mary is twenty seven. The other drivers, Mary says. Somebody is screaming in the hallway, Harold says. The doctor counts: eight, nine, ten. Where is the nurse, Mary says.
f.
There is somebody shouting in the hallway, Mrs. Galloway says. She is polite and patient but the screaming is really pretty terrible and she has become a little bit worried. Mrs. Galloway was born in a small communist village outside Moscow and she doesn’t think that some people should be left to scream in the hospital.
The hospital was built in 1901, the clerk says. I was born in 1924, Mrs. Galloway says. Then I would have a seat, the clerk says. The clock on the wall in the waiting room makes loud ticking noises and it sounds like it is a bomb.
g.
The nurse is tall and white and she used to play sports for her high school in Atlanta. She could make her body into squares and circles. The other girls couldn’t do that. Her father said she had an ugly nose. Her math teacher slept with her after homecoming. You are going to get fat, her father said.
h.
He doesn’t have insurance, the nurse says. Tell Mary to take him back to his neighborhood, the doctor says. He left a lot of blood on the floor, the nurse says. The clerk shakes her head. The doctor should be with you right away, Mrs. Galloway. The nurse and the doctor have sex on the operating table. It is seven forty-five. Your skin looks yellow, the doctor says.
[s]
It is five forty-five in the morning. The sun has not come out and it is cold and somebody in the hallway is shouting. The nurse is white and she is tall and she eats chocolate cake in the dining hall and she is fat.
c.
The doctor has a house on a golf course and he has a car that goes really fast. Is that good, Mary asks. Mary is the ambulance driver and she puts her body into little triangles in the morning. It is good, the doctor says. Where is the golf course, Mary asks. Someone in the hallway is shouting.
d.
The doctor is on a diet. The doctor has sex with the nurse at six fifteen. She moves her body back and forth and she makes little noises like she is a rodent. The doctor counts to seven. I am in better shape, the doctor says. The nurse looks pasty and her body is sweating and it sticks to the operating table. You look like you don’t see the sun all that much, the doctor says.
e.
Mary drives the ambulance very fast and sometimes she does not stop at the red lights even when her flashing lights are not on. They won’t like hitting an ambulance, Mary says. Who won’t, Harold asks. Harold and Mary started having sex when Mary was seventeen. Now, Mary is twenty seven. The other drivers, Mary says. Somebody is screaming in the hallway, Harold says. The doctor counts: eight, nine, ten. Where is the nurse, Mary says.
f.
There is somebody shouting in the hallway, Mrs. Galloway says. She is polite and patient but the screaming is really pretty terrible and she has become a little bit worried. Mrs. Galloway was born in a small communist village outside Moscow and she doesn’t think that some people should be left to scream in the hospital.
The hospital was built in 1901, the clerk says. I was born in 1924, Mrs. Galloway says. Then I would have a seat, the clerk says. The clock on the wall in the waiting room makes loud ticking noises and it sounds like it is a bomb.
g.
The nurse is tall and white and she used to play sports for her high school in Atlanta. She could make her body into squares and circles. The other girls couldn’t do that. Her father said she had an ugly nose. Her math teacher slept with her after homecoming. You are going to get fat, her father said.
h.
He doesn’t have insurance, the nurse says. Tell Mary to take him back to his neighborhood, the doctor says. He left a lot of blood on the floor, the nurse says. The clerk shakes her head. The doctor should be with you right away, Mrs. Galloway. The nurse and the doctor have sex on the operating table. It is seven forty-five. Your skin looks yellow, the doctor says.
[s]
6.09.2006
Our Anniversary
a.
Stan and Stacey are married. Stacey is on a liquid diet. My father and mother are coming to town tomorrow, Stan says. Stan is thirty-five and he has a spot on his head where he has no hair. My mother and father want to eat steak and hamburgers at Mario’s, Stan says. Mario’s is a restaurant. Mario’s is very expensive. A man in the newspaper called Mario’s the best restaurant in the city. It is the best restaurant in the city, Chuck says. Stacey is on a goddamn liquid diet, Stan says.
b.
Chuck turns thirty-four on Monday. I want to have my birthday at Jake’s on fifteenth and Jackson. Ok, Molly says. Molly has straight black hair and she plays golf at a club in the suburbs. The workers at the club call Molly, Ms. The workers at the club say, Nice shot Molly. The grass is really very green at golf clubs in the suburbs. Even if the golf club is in the desert and the desert is in the suburbs. The grass is still very green. Deserts without golf courses are brown and dry and don’t get a lot of water. More deserts should have golf courses.
c.
I read something about a starving boy or something in Africa, Molly says to Chuck. What, Chuck says. I think we should give them something like some money or maybe some golf clubs. They sound like they are poor I think. I have an old set of golf clubs in the basement, Chuck says. Do you think we can send them to Africa. I’ll overnight them from the office, Chuck says. They are really lucky to have us, Molly says.
d.
Chuck goes into his basement and puts his golf clubs into a brown bag. Africa, the postman says. It’s a place that is really poor, Chuck says.
c.
I can only drink fruit shakes and water, Stacey says. My father and mother are going to be sad, Stan says. Stacey looks at her fingers and her fingers are fat. Maybe I can eat a small steak, Stacey thinks. You know what is going to happen if she eats a steak, Chuck says. Yeah, Stan says, she will vomit in the bathroom and we will have to go to the hospital. But at least my parents won’t be upset and sad. Last time, my parents were sad.
d.
I have yellow skin, Stacey thinks. She walks into the bathroom and she cries on the toilet. The bathroom is white and yellow and the bathroom has two mirrors and one of the mirrors is an oval and one of the mirrors is a rectangle. I will just have a little steak, Stacey says to herself. Molly drinks four martinis and falls down the stairs at the golf club in the suburbs. Are you ok, Howard asks. Howard is a caddy and he is tall and Molly thinks that he is handsome and she asks him if he wants to have sex in her car. While you are driving, Howard asks. I can’t drive Howard, Molly says, I am drunk. Oh, Howard says.
e.
Stan’s mother and father come to town. Stacey eats a steak at Mario’s. You know this could have killed her, Dr. Holden says. It was from Omaha, Stan says.
[s]
Stan and Stacey are married. Stacey is on a liquid diet. My father and mother are coming to town tomorrow, Stan says. Stan is thirty-five and he has a spot on his head where he has no hair. My mother and father want to eat steak and hamburgers at Mario’s, Stan says. Mario’s is a restaurant. Mario’s is very expensive. A man in the newspaper called Mario’s the best restaurant in the city. It is the best restaurant in the city, Chuck says. Stacey is on a goddamn liquid diet, Stan says.
b.
Chuck turns thirty-four on Monday. I want to have my birthday at Jake’s on fifteenth and Jackson. Ok, Molly says. Molly has straight black hair and she plays golf at a club in the suburbs. The workers at the club call Molly, Ms. The workers at the club say, Nice shot Molly. The grass is really very green at golf clubs in the suburbs. Even if the golf club is in the desert and the desert is in the suburbs. The grass is still very green. Deserts without golf courses are brown and dry and don’t get a lot of water. More deserts should have golf courses.
c.
I read something about a starving boy or something in Africa, Molly says to Chuck. What, Chuck says. I think we should give them something like some money or maybe some golf clubs. They sound like they are poor I think. I have an old set of golf clubs in the basement, Chuck says. Do you think we can send them to Africa. I’ll overnight them from the office, Chuck says. They are really lucky to have us, Molly says.
d.
Chuck goes into his basement and puts his golf clubs into a brown bag. Africa, the postman says. It’s a place that is really poor, Chuck says.
c.
I can only drink fruit shakes and water, Stacey says. My father and mother are going to be sad, Stan says. Stacey looks at her fingers and her fingers are fat. Maybe I can eat a small steak, Stacey thinks. You know what is going to happen if she eats a steak, Chuck says. Yeah, Stan says, she will vomit in the bathroom and we will have to go to the hospital. But at least my parents won’t be upset and sad. Last time, my parents were sad.
d.
I have yellow skin, Stacey thinks. She walks into the bathroom and she cries on the toilet. The bathroom is white and yellow and the bathroom has two mirrors and one of the mirrors is an oval and one of the mirrors is a rectangle. I will just have a little steak, Stacey says to herself. Molly drinks four martinis and falls down the stairs at the golf club in the suburbs. Are you ok, Howard asks. Howard is a caddy and he is tall and Molly thinks that he is handsome and she asks him if he wants to have sex in her car. While you are driving, Howard asks. I can’t drive Howard, Molly says, I am drunk. Oh, Howard says.
e.
Stan’s mother and father come to town. Stacey eats a steak at Mario’s. You know this could have killed her, Dr. Holden says. It was from Omaha, Stan says.
[s]
6.06.2006
North Country Summer
I.
The sun is a big round ball. The sun is yellow and hot and sometimes the sun looks white. Hugh lives in a small town in Alaska. There are fishing boats in his town. From space, the town looks like it is a whale. You can’t see the town from space, Jackson says. Jackson builds rockets and works for the government. It would look like a whale anyway, Maria says. Hugh has sex with Maria in his glass house.
My house is square and it is made of glass, Hugh says. Hugh built his house on a river. The river runs through the town that looks like a whale if you could see it from space. The government is going to build a bridge next to your house, Jackson says. Maria makes small giraffe sounds with her throat when she is making sex. Giraffe’s don’t sound like that, Mark says. Mark works at a zoo and has a rash on his shoulder. You have a rash on your shoulder, Jackson says. Did you sleep with Maria, Hugh asks. Hugh has started to urinate in his pants. The doctor says that it is because he is nervous. I think they touched you when you were fourteen, Maria says.
Maria was in a pornographic movie when she was fourteen. She was living in a cabin in Western Virginia and her guardian thought that she looked like Madonna. Her guardian thought she looked like Marilyn Monroe. Her guardian thought she looked like Mia Farrow. Her guardian no longer speaks that well because both his lungs collapsed in the coal mine. Both your lungs collapsed in the coal mine, the doctor had said. The nurse that bathed him had bathed him at night and she had been naked and she had clean neat hair on her body that made her shadowed and her unshadowed body look like clay sculptures. You look like a sculpture, Maria’s guardian had said to the nurse. The nurse had smiled and turned and coddled him and they had loved.
The other hospital nurse wore a white shirt and she looked like she has been working out in the closet. She is only fourteen, the doctor said. She is my sister.
Maria’s guardian still writes Maria letters. I read the letters, Mark says. I have learned to paint and soon I will be able to spend more time outside. That is what the last letter said. I read it, Hugh says. Hugh has a party with wine and guests and waiters and small plates of food. How does he know where you live, Hugh asks Maria. I told him, Maria says. She wears pants that are short and make her thighs look like they are too big and Hugh doesn’t think that giraffe’s are probably really that good in bed anyway.
I don’t really like to walk in the water when it is springtime because the water is too cold.
II.
On the north side of the town there is a boy who is bleeding in the street because he was hit by a truck and the truck driver didn’t stop because the sun was hot and round and bright and the truck driver thought the boy was dead. I thought the boy was dead, the truck driver says and he spits chewing tobacco into the street and the police officer looks at him.
When the sun comes out in the spring and doesn’t go back under until the end of summer sometimes it is difficult to tell which side of the road is for driving and which side of the road is for walking. But that only happens in Alaska.
[s]
The sun is a big round ball. The sun is yellow and hot and sometimes the sun looks white. Hugh lives in a small town in Alaska. There are fishing boats in his town. From space, the town looks like it is a whale. You can’t see the town from space, Jackson says. Jackson builds rockets and works for the government. It would look like a whale anyway, Maria says. Hugh has sex with Maria in his glass house.
My house is square and it is made of glass, Hugh says. Hugh built his house on a river. The river runs through the town that looks like a whale if you could see it from space. The government is going to build a bridge next to your house, Jackson says. Maria makes small giraffe sounds with her throat when she is making sex. Giraffe’s don’t sound like that, Mark says. Mark works at a zoo and has a rash on his shoulder. You have a rash on your shoulder, Jackson says. Did you sleep with Maria, Hugh asks. Hugh has started to urinate in his pants. The doctor says that it is because he is nervous. I think they touched you when you were fourteen, Maria says.
Maria was in a pornographic movie when she was fourteen. She was living in a cabin in Western Virginia and her guardian thought that she looked like Madonna. Her guardian thought she looked like Marilyn Monroe. Her guardian thought she looked like Mia Farrow. Her guardian no longer speaks that well because both his lungs collapsed in the coal mine. Both your lungs collapsed in the coal mine, the doctor had said. The nurse that bathed him had bathed him at night and she had been naked and she had clean neat hair on her body that made her shadowed and her unshadowed body look like clay sculptures. You look like a sculpture, Maria’s guardian had said to the nurse. The nurse had smiled and turned and coddled him and they had loved.
The other hospital nurse wore a white shirt and she looked like she has been working out in the closet. She is only fourteen, the doctor said. She is my sister.
Maria’s guardian still writes Maria letters. I read the letters, Mark says. I have learned to paint and soon I will be able to spend more time outside. That is what the last letter said. I read it, Hugh says. Hugh has a party with wine and guests and waiters and small plates of food. How does he know where you live, Hugh asks Maria. I told him, Maria says. She wears pants that are short and make her thighs look like they are too big and Hugh doesn’t think that giraffe’s are probably really that good in bed anyway.
I don’t really like to walk in the water when it is springtime because the water is too cold.
II.
On the north side of the town there is a boy who is bleeding in the street because he was hit by a truck and the truck driver didn’t stop because the sun was hot and round and bright and the truck driver thought the boy was dead. I thought the boy was dead, the truck driver says and he spits chewing tobacco into the street and the police officer looks at him.
When the sun comes out in the spring and doesn’t go back under until the end of summer sometimes it is difficult to tell which side of the road is for driving and which side of the road is for walking. But that only happens in Alaska.
[s]
6.03.2006
Sturbridge
a.
The tourists eat hot dogs and stand on the rocks.
b.
Martina has a smooth back and she is naked. Her skin is tanned and hugged against her bones. She is in wet water and she fishes. She trembles and she looks as though she does not want to see herself in more day or in more night.
c.
Look.
d.
Martina, Harrison says. Harrison is a cook. Harrison collects small rocks and puts the small rocks into rainbow colored sacks. The sacks sit on his mantle. Martina is quiet. Martina rocks back and forth on the bottoms of her feet. The fish are not hungry.
e.
Harrison has a cabin on a hill. There is a painting of his uncle in his cabin. The painting is above his mantle. Harrison’s uncle is a Native. The Natives burn their skin and howl and dance with their hands. The tourists take pictures and whisper. The tourists have small backpacks.
There are marks on Harrison’s hands. Some of the marks are straight. Some of the marks are crooked.
f.
On Tuesday, Martina suicides. She finds a rock in the wet water. The rock is sharp and the man who owns the general store says that it is not a rock. The man says that it is a weapon that the Natives created. The man has a moustache and he puts wax on his moustache.
g.
She killed herself with a weapon, Harrison says. Martina lies in the wet water and the wet water moves over her body and changes into red. Martina has her eyes open and she has marks on her arms that are straight and long and smooth and it looks like she cut herself many times with the smooth rock.
Is the rock a weapon, the priest asks.
h.
They will have to leave her here, Jefferson says. Jefferson is a tourist. He has flags in his house from seventeen countries. I have been to nineteen countries, Jefferson says. Jefferson wears glasses and his glasses get fogged when he is excited.
i.
Later, when it is night time, Harrison brings a wool blanket and wraps it around Martina. The water makes the blanket wet. At least she won’t look like the other people in the photographs, Harrison says. She is like the other people, the priest says. The tourists take photographs and stand on the bank.
This is what life is like here. Maybe another Native will suicide again before we return to Memphis, Jefferson says. Jefferson has his hand around his wife. His children eat ice cream and have big eyes.
[s]
The tourists eat hot dogs and stand on the rocks.
b.
Martina has a smooth back and she is naked. Her skin is tanned and hugged against her bones. She is in wet water and she fishes. She trembles and she looks as though she does not want to see herself in more day or in more night.
c.
Look.
d.
Martina, Harrison says. Harrison is a cook. Harrison collects small rocks and puts the small rocks into rainbow colored sacks. The sacks sit on his mantle. Martina is quiet. Martina rocks back and forth on the bottoms of her feet. The fish are not hungry.
e.
Harrison has a cabin on a hill. There is a painting of his uncle in his cabin. The painting is above his mantle. Harrison’s uncle is a Native. The Natives burn their skin and howl and dance with their hands. The tourists take pictures and whisper. The tourists have small backpacks.
There are marks on Harrison’s hands. Some of the marks are straight. Some of the marks are crooked.
f.
On Tuesday, Martina suicides. She finds a rock in the wet water. The rock is sharp and the man who owns the general store says that it is not a rock. The man says that it is a weapon that the Natives created. The man has a moustache and he puts wax on his moustache.
g.
She killed herself with a weapon, Harrison says. Martina lies in the wet water and the wet water moves over her body and changes into red. Martina has her eyes open and she has marks on her arms that are straight and long and smooth and it looks like she cut herself many times with the smooth rock.
Is the rock a weapon, the priest asks.
h.
They will have to leave her here, Jefferson says. Jefferson is a tourist. He has flags in his house from seventeen countries. I have been to nineteen countries, Jefferson says. Jefferson wears glasses and his glasses get fogged when he is excited.
i.
Later, when it is night time, Harrison brings a wool blanket and wraps it around Martina. The water makes the blanket wet. At least she won’t look like the other people in the photographs, Harrison says. She is like the other people, the priest says. The tourists take photographs and stand on the bank.
This is what life is like here. Maybe another Native will suicide again before we return to Memphis, Jefferson says. Jefferson has his hand around his wife. His children eat ice cream and have big eyes.
[s]
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