1.10.2010

Lauren

Broken down, we waited at the side of the road. Lauren looking very worried in the day's last light, on the cellphone, waiting for the car to be towed. Ah God I feel how much I love her sometimes. A physical sensation in my heart. I never knew, when I was younger, that feelings could be so literally something you feel. "We're going to be sooo late," she said.

I laughed a little. "I don't think we're going to make it at all."

"My sister's going to be so mad..."

"She's always gets mad. And it's not your fault. You didn't break the car." I hugged her and she put her head on my shoulder.

"Remember the story you told me?" she asked. "About Olivia?" I laughed again.

"Of course."

"Was that true?"

"I don't know why I'd make something like that up."

"You really asked her if you could rest your head on her shoulder, and then changed your mind?"

"I was fourteen years old! I think that was the first time I ever touched a girl I thought was beautiful. I panicked."

"Funny, that made you panic." I thought about that.

"Yeah, I guess it was."

"Instead of enjoying it."

"Hey-- let's just go to dinner. We'll get oyster's at the place on Court. We haven't been there in a while."

Lauren looked at me.

"I used to worry you were being a psychologist, when you said comforting things."

"I am a psychologist."

"I know, but you know what I mean. Remember how I used to worry you were doing it because you knew how, and I was taking advantage of that?"

"Remember how I used to say, 'I'm not being your psychologist because you don't pay me. And because we have sex.'" She smiled.

"I do remember that. I don't feel that way anymore."

"Good." We called a cab after they took the car away, ate oysters and drank wine and when I was asleep whatever I dreamt was gone in the morning.

No comments: