The First Fetish

"I do. It's part of me. Since I was a kid I wanted to be kidnapped. I remember watching an episode of A Current Affair. Maury Povich showed a photograph left in the empty parking space where two teenage girls had been waiting for their mom. It showed them tied and gagged in the back of a van. Duct tape and no shoes on. The first time I came I tied myself up on the bathroom floor in shoelaces.

"Years later, in college, I discovered through the internet I was turned on by images of women tied. I wanted to see them kidnapped, too. And the rest is history. I first tried it with Susan. We did it for about a year, before we broke up. It was good, so good sometimes. But different."

"Different how?"

"Less clean. The things crept in that always creep in: is she enjoying it, am I enjoying it, is this tight enough, what does she think of me for wanting to do this, or that, or that... but most of all, it wasn't real."

"Not real?"

"I know it sounds crazy, because how could it be less real than jerking off to internet porn, right? But it just felt... too much like a game. The problem is, if she wanted me to, I had to let her out. And that's what worried me most."

"Were you worried you wouldn't let her out?"

Dr. Klein looked at me. "No. I was just disappointed that I did."

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