And just as if I had given up God, I was suddenly, perfectly, alone.

In my pocket: 60 minute cassette tape of a hypnosis session with an abductee. He remembers how at age five, fifteen, and forty he was taken up into their ship; how they entered his body at every orifice.

See? There is no stopping the alien from coming in to take us apart.

Like at birth the doctor reached in and took me out. If hypnotized, could I remember? "I am swimming in the ocean when starts to erupt. I don't want to leave, but I can't move, I can't stop it. I scream but no one listens. Slowly a bright light fills my eyes that is like nothing I have seen. Air forces itself down my lungs as a gloved hand slices me at my stomach and I am overcome with the feeling that I am suddenly very alone."

Tonight the train is full of strange vibrations. It is after the party; the cassette player has clicked off and the names and faces of an hour ago are powerless against the vast flatlands of the city. They hit the yellow lights and industrial parks like rain hits a mountain. And these thoughts -- who is responsible for them? When he cut the cord the doctor sealed me off in this body until it is time for the outside to come back in. Then I will travel as if by beam of light up into their ship, to be examined for whatever parts God needs to keep running. Then there will be no loneliness as I am scattered back into the ocean, along with my parents and my sisters, and all the other adbuctees, forever at work pushing out the next new thing into the world.

Until then these thoughts, this body -- they are mine.

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