tomorrow when I wake up I will take Ross’ arm and lead him under the skeletal tracks mounted over the intersection of broadway and 231st for subways to rumble through on. Across broadway, on the west side, is the bodega Ross picked. I will buy him a diet pepsi and a shrink-wrapped pastry of his choosing; I will buy Gary a diet pepsi, Tommy a pepsi, and Steven a coffee.

six days ago I bought Steven a coffee but he didn’t like it. "It’s no good," he said. "What’s wrong with it, Steven?" He shook his head. "No, it’s no good."

when Steven was sixteen he lost his virginity to Ms. Ramos, his mother’s friend. She said, "Do you like this, Steven?" And he said, "Yes, yes," and she asked, "Should I stop?" And he said, "No, don’t stop." which is what she did, she did not stop. Randy Steven’s brother watched. He lay still under the sheet to pretend he was asleep, and peeked through the hole he curled up in the blanket. He told his mother the next day that Ms. Ramos was rubbing Steven’s pee-pee, and then said it again to the police, and to the social worker, and to the psychologist. the file says "Steven ******* is a 17-year-old African-American male diagnosed with Moderate Mental Retardation with a rule-out indicated for Autism. He was referred to our agency to evaluate his appropriateness for outpatient treatment with a clinician who specializes in…."

tomorrow when I check the behavior book in apartment 18C I will make sure to update the apartment’s behavior protocol regarding sexual contact between residents. it is prohibited, unless a psychosexual evaluation determines that they are able to consent.



tomorrow I will type the list and file it appropriately. I will make sure Sharon, Tia, and Alex understand the protocol, and in-service them if necessary. six months ago I inserviced Tia for the first time. The issue was regarding human rights. "The residents have a right to worship as they please," I explained to her. We were in Steven’s room while he was away at programming. "Asking them to say Grace over the dinner table is well-intentioned, but takes away their ability to decide: Do I want to say Grace?" I said it so she could understand. When she kissed me I remember how she push ed her tongue into my mouth with such force I was momentarily obliterated. Several times later I would think of this while inservicing her on various issues come up from the apartment, like Safety & Security, proper use of the Swear Jar, Time-outs & Discipline.

I have gone over these areas with Sharon and Alex, though not in same depth.

tomorrow I will not see Tia; she works the day after tomorrow and tomorrow I will take Ross across broadway with his head like a bees nest of electrical thought and get him the diet pepsi he wants. Ross must be escorted to the corner store since Alex witnessed him offering people sexual favors for money in the park. Ross does not need money -- I buy him what he needs: but he thinks he needs money, and will go to any length to get it. We do not know when this began, if its genesis was the incident several years ago with Steven and the dollar bill, or buried in the Ross’ undocumented past. so tomorrow I am happy to go with Ross and take his arm across the street. th e sun will be shining, Steven told me so, and he is always right about such things.

"Sunshine tomorrow," he said. "No raincoat."

yesterday Tia arrived dressed for rain. the sky was dark like an eggplant when she came in, and then lightning flashed, and the radio went on by itself. "I must have turned it on," she said. I didn’t laughI was busy cleaning Gary, who had shit himself in the bathroom. I wore a plastic apron and on my hands were plastic gloves. Two hours later, after the residents were asl eep, I watched Tia take off her rain clothes and put on the apron. It was dirty, but I still felt my dick stiffen and I wanted to pull her onto me. I did, and the crinkle of plastic made songs for the residents that lasted the night.



today is a sickday; I am surprised. I hadn't imagined an open window, birdsong, sunlight laid out like maps on the backs of homes under tree branches and sun. ross is walking with danny down 231st street getting looks from the young girls streaming by. t he street is a river to him. he is under water. "you like the girls with the nice ass eh?" manny makes hands like a nice ass, "you like eh?" and puts his hands around ross' shoulder. above them the satellite slowly turns; somewhere it is is starting to rain...


in three days I will present Steven's case for the human rights panel. they are compromised of upstanding parents, professionals, and a few I don't recognize. "I tell you what I think of those human right fucks," Danny explains. "I tell you where they can put their opinions." But he does not.

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