Laudable, at least, from the edge - she, alike in hair color, to the growth: it was, perhaps, moving, in and out, up and down - she watched and considered: Oh, how nice. It was going to kill her, then. She was unattached, aloof, and foolish. The apes had congregated at the far end of the field.
And it was unbearable the howling. We aren't even paying, Mars said, disgruntled. His distasteful demeanor suggested coming torture. We would all pray for that. I didn't choose any of this, none, blindfolded and formulaic, disposed to cheat and scurry under the mattress, I over-cooked myself: how fabulous.
A + C * (2y - 1) = .
3.29.2011
8.02.2010
the argument
don't point the wrong end
at all the people you love the most
the sky is full of stars and their ghosts
the singer says wo oh
speech is the flower blooming in silence
at all the people you love the most
the sky is full of stars and their ghosts
the singer says wo oh
speech is the flower blooming in silence
I enjoy remembering when you ran your hands through my hair
it isn't there
now it isn't there
and the sparks from the subway flash like a camera;
congratulations - you are famous today
today is your day
today is the day
7 plague forecast and the man on the train knows whose to blame; the black, the Jews; I was in a
sad mood all morning coffee full of holes and I could not
remember my own divinity; like jesus and the tree
driven to cross the space between you & me
as the porch light goes out and no song (no song) can turn it on
and no song (no song) can make it right
no song (no song) can save our light
the father is an echo of the father before him
back to the first word ringing out from the lips of our Father
who has always been there, will always be waiting for us
to come home
the mother is an echo of the mother before her back to the first mother who birthed us all
it isn't there
now it isn't there
and the sparks from the subway flash like a camera;
congratulations - you are famous today
today is your day
today is the day
7 plague forecast and the man on the train knows whose to blame; the black, the Jews; I was in a
sad mood all morning coffee full of holes and I could not
remember my own divinity; like jesus and the tree
driven to cross the space between you & me
as the porch light goes out and no song (no song) can turn it on
and no song (no song) can make it right
no song (no song) can save our light
the father is an echo of the father before him
back to the first word ringing out from the lips of our Father
who has always been there, will always be waiting for us
to come home
the mother is an echo of the mother before her back to the first mother who birthed us all
6.03.2010
Me at 3
Walking across the garden --
this is a memory, and that is what scientists say looks the same when observed in the brain as does the future does when we imagine it--
I found no place to stand but inside the tomato plants. Everything my eye went to --
full, ripe & red --
was what I needed. I filled my mouth with answers, I was never hungry.
this is a memory, and that is what scientists say looks the same when observed in the brain as does the future does when we imagine it--
I found no place to stand but inside the tomato plants. Everything my eye went to --
full, ripe & red --
was what I needed. I filled my mouth with answers, I was never hungry.
4.22.2010
4.13.2010
The Bible, as read from a text file, displaying the bytes as hexadecimal values: "In the beginning God..." to "...morning were the sixth day."
31 20 49 6e 20 74 68 65 20 62 65 67 69 6e 6e 69 6e 67 20 47 6f 64 20 63 72 65 61 74 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 61 76 65 6e 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2e 0d 0a 32 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 20 77 61 73 20 77 69 74 68 6f 75 74 20 66 6f 72 6d 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 76 6f 69 64 3b 20 61 6e 64 20 64 61 72 6b 6e 65 73 73 20 5b 77 61 73 5d 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 66 61 63 65 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 64 65 65 70 2e 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 53 70 69 72 69 74 20 6f 66 20 47 6f 64 20 6d 6f 76 65 64 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 66 61 63 65 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 2e 0d 0a 33 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 4c 65 74 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 62 65 20 6c 69 67 68 74 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 77 61 73 20 6c 69 67 68 74 2e 0d 0a 34 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 77 20 74 68 65 20 6c 69 67 68 74 2c 20 74 68 61 74 20 5b 69 74 20 77 61 73 5d 20 67 6f 6f 64 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 64 69 76 69 64 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 6c 69 67 68 74 20 66 72 6f 6d 20 74 68 65 20 64 61 72 6b 6e 65 73 73 2e 0d 0a 35 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 63 61 6c 6c 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 6c 69 67 68 74 20 44 61 79 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 64 61 72 6b 6e 65 73 73 20 68 65 20 63 61 6c 6c 65 64 20 4e 69 67 68 74 2e 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 76 65 6e 69 6e 67 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 72 6e 69 6e 67 20 77 65 72 65 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 73 74 20 64 61 79 2e 0d 0a 36 20 23 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 4c 65 74 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 62 65 20 61 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 6d 69 64 73 74 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6c 65 74 20 69 74 20 64 69 76 69 64 65 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 20 66 72 6f 6d 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 2e 0d 0a 37 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 6d 61 64 65 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 64 69 76 69 64 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 20 77 68 69 63 68 20 5b 77 65 72 65 5d 20 75 6e 64 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 20 66 72 6f 6d 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 20 77 68 69 63 68 20 5b 77 65 72 65 5d 20 61 62 6f 76 65 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 73 6f 2e 0d 0a 38 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 63 61 6c 6c 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 20 48 65 61 76 65 6e 2e 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 76 65 6e 69 6e 67 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 72 6e 69 6e 67 20 77 65 72 65 20 74 68 65 20 73 65 63 6f 6e 64 20 64 61 79 2e 0d 0a 39 20 23 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 4c 65 74 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 20 75 6e 64 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 61 76 65 6e 20 62 65 20 67 61 74 68 65 72 65 64 20 74 6f 67 65 74 68 65 72 20 75 6e 74 6f 20 6f 6e 65 20 70 6c 61 63 65 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6c 65 74 20 74 68 65 20 64 72 79 20 5b 6c 61 6e 64 5d 20 61 70 70 65 61 72 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 73 6f 2e 0d 0a 31 30 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 63 61 6c 6c 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 64 72 79 20 5b 6c 61 6e 64 5d 20 45 61 72 74 68 3b 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 67 61 74 68 65 72 69 6e 67 20 74 6f 67 65 74 68 65 72 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 20 63 61 6c 6c 65 64 20 68 65 20 53 65 61 73 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 77 20 74 68 61 74 20 5b 69 74 20 77 61 73 5d 20 67 6f 6f 64 2e 0d 0a 31 31 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 4c 65 74 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 20 62 72 69 6e 67 20 66 6f 72 74 68 20 67 72 61 73 73 2c 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 72 62 20 79 69 65 6c 64 69 6e 67 20 73 65 65 64 2c 20 5b 61 6e 64 5d 20 74 68 65 20 66 72 75 69 74 20 74 72 65 65 20 79 69 65 6c 64 69 6e 67 20 66 72 75 69 74 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 68 69 73 20 6b 69 6e 64 2c 20 77 68 6f 73 65 20 73 65 65 64 20 5b 69 73 5d 20 69 6e 20 69 74 73 65 6c 66 2c 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 73 6f 2e 0d 0a 31 32 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 20 62 72 6f 75 67 68 74 20 66 6f 72 74 68 20 67 72 61 73 73 2c 20 5b 61 6e 64 5d 20 68 65 72 62 20 79 69 65 6c 64 69 6e 67 20 73 65 65 64 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 68 69 73 20 6b 69 6e 64 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 74 72 65 65 20 79 69 65 6c 64 69 6e 67 20 66 72 75 69 74 2c 20 77 68 6f 73 65 20 73 65 65 64 20 5b 77 61 73 5d 20 69 6e 20 69 74 73 65 6c 66 2c 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 68 69 73 20 6b 69 6e 64 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 77 20 74 68 61 74 20 5b 69 74 20 77 61 73 5d 20 67 6f 6f 64 2e 0d 0a 31 33 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 76 65 6e 69 6e 67 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 72 6e 69 6e 67 20 77 65 72 65 20 74 68 65 20 74 68 69 72 64 20 64 61 79 2e 0d 0a 31 34 20 23 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 4c 65 74 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 62 65 20 6c 69 67 68 74 73 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 61 76 65 6e 20 74 6f 20 64 69 76 69 64 65 20 74 68 65 20 64 61 79 20 66 72 6f 6d 20 74 68 65 20 6e 69 67 68 74 3b 20 61 6e 64 20 6c 65 74 20 74 68 65 6d 20 62 65 20 66 6f 72 20 73 69 67 6e 73 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 66 6f 72 20 73 65 61 73 6f 6e 73 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 66 6f 72 20 64 61 79 73 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 79 65 61 72 73 3a 0d 0a 31 35 20 41 6e 64 20 6c 65 74 20 74 68 65 6d 20 62 65 20 66 6f 72 20 6c 69 67 68 74 73 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 61 76 65 6e 20 74 6f 20 67 69 76 65 20 6c 69 67 68 74 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 73 6f 2e 0d 0a 31 36 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 6d 61 64 65 20 74 77 6f 20 67 72 65 61 74 20 6c 69 67 68 74 73 3b 20 74 68 65 20 67 72 65 61 74 65 72 20 6c 69 67 68 74 20 74 6f 20 72 75 6c 65 20 74 68 65 20 64 61 79 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 6c 65 73 73 65 72 20 6c 69 67 68 74 20 74 6f 20 72 75 6c 65 20 74 68 65 20 6e 69 67 68 74 3a 20 5b 68 65 20 6d 61 64 65 5d 20 74 68 65 20 73 74 61 72 73 20 61 6c 73 6f 2e 0d 0a 31 37 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 65 74 20 74 68 65 6d 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 61 76 65 6e 20 74 6f 20 67 69 76 65 20 6c 69 67 68 74 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2c 0d 0a 31 38 20 41 6e 64 20 74 6f 20 72 75 6c 65 20 6f 76 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 64 61 79 20 61 6e 64 20 6f 76 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 6e 69 67 68 74 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 74 6f 20 64 69 76 69 64 65 20 74 68 65 20 6c 69 67 68 74 20 66 72 6f 6d 20 74 68 65 20 64 61 72 6b 6e 65 73 73 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 77 20 74 68 61 74 20 5b 69 74 20 77 61 73 5d 20 67 6f 6f 64 2e 0d 0a 31 39 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 76 65 6e 69 6e 67 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 72 6e 69 6e 67 20 77 65 72 65 20 74 68 65 20 66 6f 75 72 74 68 20 64 61 79 2e 0d 0a 32 30 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 4c 65 74 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 20 62 72 69 6e 67 20 66 6f 72 74 68 20 61 62 75 6e 64 61 6e 74 6c 79 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 76 69 6e 67 20 63 72 65 61 74 75 72 65 20 74 68 61 74 20 68 61 74 68 20 6c 69 66 65 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 66 6f 77 6c 20 5b 74 68 61 74 5d 20 6d 61 79 20 66 6c 79 20 61 62 6f 76 65 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 6f 70 65 6e 20 66 69 72 6d 61 6d 65 6e 74 20 6f 66 20 68 65 61 76 65 6e 2e 0d 0a 32 31 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 63 72 65 61 74 65 64 20 67 72 65 61 74 20 77 68 61 6c 65 73 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 6c 69 76 69 6e 67 20 63 72 65 61 74 75 72 65 20 74 68 61 74 20 6d 6f 76 65 74 68 2c 20 77 68 69 63 68 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 20 62 72 6f 75 67 68 74 20 66 6f 72 74 68 20 61 62 75 6e 64 61 6e 74 6c 79 2c 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 74 68 65 69 72 20 6b 69 6e 64 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 77 69 6e 67 65 64 20 66 6f 77 6c 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 68 69 73 20 6b 69 6e 64 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 77 20 74 68 61 74 20 5b 69 74 20 77 61 73 5d 20 67 6f 6f 64 2e 0d 0a 32 32 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 62 6c 65 73 73 65 64 20 74 68 65 6d 2c 20 73 61 79 69 6e 67 2c 20 42 65 20 66 72 75 69 74 66 75 6c 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6d 75 6c 74 69 70 6c 79 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 66 69 6c 6c 20 74 68 65 20 77 61 74 65 72 73 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 73 65 61 73 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6c 65 74 20 66 6f 77 6c 20 6d 75 6c 74 69 70 6c 79 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2e 0d 0a 32 33 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 76 65 6e 69 6e 67 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 72 6e 69 6e 67 20 77 65 72 65 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 66 74 68 20 64 61 79 2e 0d 0a 32 34 20 23 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 4c 65 74 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 20 62 72 69 6e 67 20 66 6f 72 74 68 20 74 68 65 20 6c 69 76 69 6e 67 20 63 72 65 61 74 75 72 65 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 68 69 73 20 6b 69 6e 64 2c 20 63 61 74 74 6c 65 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 63 72 65 65 70 69 6e 67 20 74 68 69 6e 67 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 62 65 61 73 74 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 68 69 73 20 6b 69 6e 64 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 73 6f 2e 0d 0a 32 35 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 6d 61 64 65 20 74 68 65 20 62 65 61 73 74 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 68 69 73 20 6b 69 6e 64 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 63 61 74 74 6c 65 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 74 68 65 69 72 20 6b 69 6e 64 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 74 68 69 6e 67 20 74 68 61 74 20 63 72 65 65 70 65 74 68 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 68 69 73 20 6b 69 6e 64 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 77 20 74 68 61 74 20 5b 69 74 20 77 61 73 5d 20 67 6f 6f 64 2e 0d 0a 32 36 20 23 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 4c 65 74 20 75 73 20 6d 61 6b 65 20 6d 61 6e 20 69 6e 20 6f 75 72 20 69 6d 61 67 65 2c 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 6f 75 72 20 6c 69 6b 65 6e 65 73 73 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 6c 65 74 20 74 68 65 6d 20 68 61 76 65 20 64 6f 6d 69 6e 69 6f 6e 20 6f 76 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 73 68 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 73 65 61 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6f 76 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 66 6f 77 6c 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 61 69 72 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6f 76 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 63 61 74 74 6c 65 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6f 76 65 72 20 61 6c 6c 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6f 76 65 72 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 63 72 65 65 70 69 6e 67 20 74 68 69 6e 67 20 74 68 61 74 20 63 72 65 65 70 65 74 68 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2e 0d 0a 32 37 20 53 6f 20 47 6f 64 20 63 72 65 61 74 65 64 20 6d 61 6e 20 69 6e 20 68 69 73 20 5b 6f 77 6e 5d 20 69 6d 61 67 65 2c 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 69 6d 61 67 65 20 6f 66 20 47 6f 64 20 63 72 65 61 74 65 64 20 68 65 20 68 69 6d 3b 20 6d 61 6c 65 20 61 6e 64 20 66 65 6d 61 6c 65 20 63 72 65 61 74 65 64 20 68 65 20 74 68 65 6d 2e 0d 0a 32 38 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 62 6c 65 73 73 65 64 20 74 68 65 6d 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 20 75 6e 74 6f 20 74 68 65 6d 2c 20 42 65 20 66 72 75 69 74 66 75 6c 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6d 75 6c 74 69 70 6c 79 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 72 65 70 6c 65 6e 69 73 68 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 73 75 62 64 75 65 20 69 74 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 68 61 76 65 20 64 6f 6d 69 6e 69 6f 6e 20 6f 76 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 73 68 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 73 65 61 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6f 76 65 72 20 74 68 65 20 66 6f 77 6c 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 61 69 72 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6f 76 65 72 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 6c 69 76 69 6e 67 20 74 68 69 6e 67 20 74 68 61 74 20 6d 6f 76 65 74 68 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2e 0d 0a 32 39 20 23 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 69 64 2c 20 42 65 68 6f 6c 64 2c 20 49 20 68 61 76 65 20 67 69 76 65 6e 20 79 6f 75 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 68 65 72 62 20 62 65 61 72 69 6e 67 20 73 65 65 64 2c 20 77 68 69 63 68 20 5b 69 73 5d 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 66 61 63 65 20 6f 66 20 61 6c 6c 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 74 72 65 65 2c 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 77 68 69 63 68 20 5b 69 73 5d 20 74 68 65 20 66 72 75 69 74 20 6f 66 20 61 20 74 72 65 65 20 79 69 65 6c 64 69 6e 67 20 73 65 65 64 3b 20 74 6f 20 79 6f 75 20 69 74 20 73 68 61 6c 6c 20 62 65 20 66 6f 72 20 6d 65 61 74 2e 0d 0a 33 30 20 41 6e 64 20 74 6f 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 62 65 61 73 74 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 74 6f 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 66 6f 77 6c 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 61 69 72 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 74 6f 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 74 68 69 6e 67 20 74 68 61 74 20 63 72 65 65 70 65 74 68 20 75 70 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 65 61 72 74 68 2c 20 77 68 65 72 65 69 6e 20 5b 74 68 65 72 65 20 69 73 5d 20 6c 69 66 65 2c 20 5b 49 20 68 61 76 65 20 67 69 76 65 6e 5d 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 67 72 65 65 6e 20 68 65 72 62 20 66 6f 72 20 6d 65 61 74 3a 20 61 6e 64 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 73 6f 2e 0d 0a 33 31 20 41 6e 64 20 47 6f 64 20 73 61 77 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 74 68 69 6e 67 20 74 68 61 74 20 68 65 20 68 61 64 20 6d 61 64 65 2c 20 61 6e 64 2c 20 62 65 68 6f 6c 64 2c 20 5b 69 74 20 77 61 73 5d 20 76 65 72 79 20 67 6f 6f 64 2e 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 65 76 65 6e 69 6e 67 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 72 6e 69 6e 67 20 77 65 72 65 20 74 68 65 20 73 69 78 74 68 20 64 61 79 2e
4.12.2010
R-etur-n Monster (ab-ab-baab_esc1`)
Banished, most suitably, by the posturing elite, expansive in succession, following, meekly, but a casual and fortunate power siege. The hordes, Sheila exclaimed (yes, Sheila, the heroine princess, rejuvenated by the irrational reappraisal - the haunting taunts of ubiquitous fetterment). I will not be [slave], yes, I will not, she continued, her English but imperfect. She is conned, hmph, mislead by intonation. A far unusual excuse. We have returned, dear martyrs, to plant this filthy sword in the washed skin - no one is to hijack the purposes of our novel journey.
Earlier, deposed by the starlit interrogator, she proposed, but only in hint, at a collaborative piece of journalistic expose - ultimately, a short fact-based (meandering) perspectivo. How dear! The proposal, authentic in its bold and humane intent, was flatly ignored and later discarded by each member of the ruling parliamentary. I am freezing, she admitted later, smoking, outside the embassy, embarrassed by her freakish tanned skin (in the kremlin).
The opening prescription, prompted I am certain, by the disillusionment of the state (yes, yes, by the aging and fretting male population), called for a disarming of adequate and functional communication assets. In a nutshell, Sheila shouted (you pigs!), the racist fringe has demanded a reduction and elimination of the overly archaic scientific process.
It is our return, consequently, bridging the gap between two generally opposed but progressively united counterparts that posed as the reconciliation of the red block, the iron curtain. But these were just feeble interjections, anecdotal in that they witnessed the surface, irrelevant in that the surface was no longer dictated by governable laws but instead, of course, by visceral supposition.
I suppose, really, it is not possible. And I am only crying, Sheila announced. She was bawling and had two hands in her pants.
Earlier, deposed by the starlit interrogator, she proposed, but only in hint, at a collaborative piece of journalistic expose - ultimately, a short fact-based (meandering) perspectivo. How dear! The proposal, authentic in its bold and humane intent, was flatly ignored and later discarded by each member of the ruling parliamentary. I am freezing, she admitted later, smoking, outside the embassy, embarrassed by her freakish tanned skin (in the kremlin).
The opening prescription, prompted I am certain, by the disillusionment of the state (yes, yes, by the aging and fretting male population), called for a disarming of adequate and functional communication assets. In a nutshell, Sheila shouted (you pigs!), the racist fringe has demanded a reduction and elimination of the overly archaic scientific process.
It is our return, consequently, bridging the gap between two generally opposed but progressively united counterparts that posed as the reconciliation of the red block, the iron curtain. But these were just feeble interjections, anecdotal in that they witnessed the surface, irrelevant in that the surface was no longer dictated by governable laws but instead, of course, by visceral supposition.
I suppose, really, it is not possible. And I am only crying, Sheila announced. She was bawling and had two hands in her pants.
2.14.2010
How I Live Is My Masterpiece
I.
Calvin, having recently received notification that his long poem, "How I Live Is My Masterpiece," would be published in the New Yorker, went out for a walk across 5th Avenue to feel the snow on his face and more generally life itself, when he started seeing a swarm of black dots filling his field of vision in the middle of which there appeared a light a little too white and rapidly expanding against the swarm. The poem began like
I am quitting my night job
of tapping words together to make heat
because the bodies on the train today
made me warmer than the mind is wide;
wider than the sky, sure, but not warmer
than blood, so let's go for a swim--
who's with me?
and ended with a rapid succession of imagery, including:
...of lightposts, broken arms, the watches we left behind, the wallets lost, and every argument and mending gone up to heaven on waves broadcast in every language to the black space beyond heaven...
which he liked. Calvin knew that he never could have gotten this one in, not right off the bat, not even close. But the other publications were opening doors and those doors in turn opened even more doors, so it was more like running through a house and turning on every light, only to find that the neighbors were doing the same in response, and their neighbors, house after house until all the globe was illuminated.
Years ago, when getting his eyes checked, Calvin was told by Dr. Harrison to watch out if he ever happened to see a myriad of dark spots swarming through his vision. Dr. Harrison was a good man; like most doctors he believed in benevolent deception, such as when he deftly and without explicit consent inserted contact lenses in Calvin's eyes after Calvin hit an internal wall he was unable to push past by actually touching his own eyeballs, badly as he wanted contacts and tired as he was of the fuzzy border of the world always peaking in beyond his glasses. None of this went through his mind, however, as he fell into the snow, which it turned out felt cold and painful on his cheeks. What Dr. Harrison was warning him about was the possibility of retinal break, given that Calvin's FBN1 gene was mutated, like his father's, and that the resulting condition known as Marfan's Syndrome left him at higher risk for a tear in the retina, which experience is accompanied subjectively by rapid onset of photopsia. Dr. Harrison's own son suffered a retinal break at an early age, after years of what Dr. Harrison sadly realized only later was obsessive-compulsive disorder, in this case the behavior being a compulsive darting of the eyes every night before the boy could fall asleep, afraid as he was of a murderer or thief or after watching Fire in the Sky, an alien's strange face suddenly pressing itself against his un-curtained windows. The memory of that night in particular, and his son's horrible insistence that his photopsia was in fact the light of the UFO coming to get him and "take him through the walls," as the boy put it -- over and over again, wailing actually, "They're coming out of the walls! They're coming out of the walls!" -- was why Calvin was warned at all, and why Dr. Harrison, deceptive or not, was a good doctor who did not see himself exempt from the physical failures that paraded before him daily.
The odd thing is that what did go through Calvin's head as he thrashed about in the snow were the nearly same images that came as if from outside himself not quite exactly three years ago, on the famous night that Calvin first pulled over to the side of the road and went running through the woods and which lead to everything else -- the poems, Lauren, and everything that he didn't know yet was coming. It was the same sense that the earth was in danger, and scenes of trees burning, and children's hands sticky from chemical burns; but now this time there was also a satellite exploding silently in space, and the face of a man who looked perhaps Korean laughing in a way that left Calvin more disturbed than did any other image or foreign sensation. It was all in the poem, one way or another. Was it unforgivable that he caught himself thinking, well, at least I'll get another poem out of this?
*
Several hours earlier, Dr. Harrison sat down with a new patient, a walk-in actually, but anyway his last patient had cancelled and because he was not a man who went home early when someone was waiting, Dr. Harrison had Sheila prepare the file and send him in.
"You live in the neighborhood?" he asked.
"I just moved here."
"Great, great... Hm. It looks like you wrote here under current medical conditions -- am I getting this right -- anophthalmia...?"
"Yes, that's right." Dr. Harrison stopped and looked at the patient.
"Anophthalmia?"
The man looked back at him, blinking.
"That's what I'm told."
"Mind if I take a look?"
In the waiting room Sheila thought she heard a sound like a tree snapping, but then again the radio was on, and though it was low it nonetheless filled the room with waves of various frequencies including those which when translated sounded like
ah ah ah
I got you I can't let you go
to Shelia's ears and brain.
II.
At home Dr. Harrison's basement is filled with stacks of cassette tapes. Above ground, there is a long narrow hall with slices of sunlight and paintings on the wall which runs past the bedroom where he and his wife sleep and up the stairs beside which hangs a painting made for him by Mark Rothko, who always wanted to say things simply even as he felt his pictures impaired by vulgar eyes and cruel powerless people who would extend their affliction to the world. Here is Dr. Harrison's studio. Here is the wide canvas of yesterday's work. Here is the sun coming through the skylight, which is cloudy, and here are the paints spilled on the floor. Calvin might say, ah, those accidents are your masterpiece! Stare at the sun and close your eyes -- whose art is that? But in the cabinets that stand in the corner of the room are more tapes, and transcripts, some typed on a typewriter and then the later ones printed, of words from people all over the world who heard about what Dr. Harrison does and sought him out so that they at the very least would not feel so alone. Of course they really wanted answers.
Before Rothko died, he promised that if he chose to commit suicide, everyone would know it. But no one was sure afterwards, when he was found on the ground with cuts in his arms and his glasses off. It was this last thing that threw off some people; he was severely myopic; how could he have killed himself if he couldn't even see?
Calvin, having recently received notification that his long poem, "How I Live Is My Masterpiece," would be published in the New Yorker, went out for a walk across 5th Avenue to feel the snow on his face and more generally life itself, when he started seeing a swarm of black dots filling his field of vision in the middle of which there appeared a light a little too white and rapidly expanding against the swarm. The poem began like
I am quitting my night job
of tapping words together to make heat
because the bodies on the train today
made me warmer than the mind is wide;
wider than the sky, sure, but not warmer
than blood, so let's go for a swim--
who's with me?
and ended with a rapid succession of imagery, including:
...of lightposts, broken arms, the watches we left behind, the wallets lost, and every argument and mending gone up to heaven on waves broadcast in every language to the black space beyond heaven...
which he liked. Calvin knew that he never could have gotten this one in, not right off the bat, not even close. But the other publications were opening doors and those doors in turn opened even more doors, so it was more like running through a house and turning on every light, only to find that the neighbors were doing the same in response, and their neighbors, house after house until all the globe was illuminated.
Years ago, when getting his eyes checked, Calvin was told by Dr. Harrison to watch out if he ever happened to see a myriad of dark spots swarming through his vision. Dr. Harrison was a good man; like most doctors he believed in benevolent deception, such as when he deftly and without explicit consent inserted contact lenses in Calvin's eyes after Calvin hit an internal wall he was unable to push past by actually touching his own eyeballs, badly as he wanted contacts and tired as he was of the fuzzy border of the world always peaking in beyond his glasses. None of this went through his mind, however, as he fell into the snow, which it turned out felt cold and painful on his cheeks. What Dr. Harrison was warning him about was the possibility of retinal break, given that Calvin's FBN1 gene was mutated, like his father's, and that the resulting condition known as Marfan's Syndrome left him at higher risk for a tear in the retina, which experience is accompanied subjectively by rapid onset of photopsia. Dr. Harrison's own son suffered a retinal break at an early age, after years of what Dr. Harrison sadly realized only later was obsessive-compulsive disorder, in this case the behavior being a compulsive darting of the eyes every night before the boy could fall asleep, afraid as he was of a murderer or thief or after watching Fire in the Sky, an alien's strange face suddenly pressing itself against his un-curtained windows. The memory of that night in particular, and his son's horrible insistence that his photopsia was in fact the light of the UFO coming to get him and "take him through the walls," as the boy put it -- over and over again, wailing actually, "They're coming out of the walls! They're coming out of the walls!" -- was why Calvin was warned at all, and why Dr. Harrison, deceptive or not, was a good doctor who did not see himself exempt from the physical failures that paraded before him daily.
The odd thing is that what did go through Calvin's head as he thrashed about in the snow were the nearly same images that came as if from outside himself not quite exactly three years ago, on the famous night that Calvin first pulled over to the side of the road and went running through the woods and which lead to everything else -- the poems, Lauren, and everything that he didn't know yet was coming. It was the same sense that the earth was in danger, and scenes of trees burning, and children's hands sticky from chemical burns; but now this time there was also a satellite exploding silently in space, and the face of a man who looked perhaps Korean laughing in a way that left Calvin more disturbed than did any other image or foreign sensation. It was all in the poem, one way or another. Was it unforgivable that he caught himself thinking, well, at least I'll get another poem out of this?
*
Several hours earlier, Dr. Harrison sat down with a new patient, a walk-in actually, but anyway his last patient had cancelled and because he was not a man who went home early when someone was waiting, Dr. Harrison had Sheila prepare the file and send him in.
"You live in the neighborhood?" he asked.
"I just moved here."
"Great, great... Hm. It looks like you wrote here under current medical conditions -- am I getting this right -- anophthalmia...?"
"Yes, that's right." Dr. Harrison stopped and looked at the patient.
"Anophthalmia?"
The man looked back at him, blinking.
"That's what I'm told."
"Mind if I take a look?"
In the waiting room Sheila thought she heard a sound like a tree snapping, but then again the radio was on, and though it was low it nonetheless filled the room with waves of various frequencies including those which when translated sounded like
ah ah ah
I got you I can't let you go
to Shelia's ears and brain.
II.
At home Dr. Harrison's basement is filled with stacks of cassette tapes. Above ground, there is a long narrow hall with slices of sunlight and paintings on the wall which runs past the bedroom where he and his wife sleep and up the stairs beside which hangs a painting made for him by Mark Rothko, who always wanted to say things simply even as he felt his pictures impaired by vulgar eyes and cruel powerless people who would extend their affliction to the world. Here is Dr. Harrison's studio. Here is the wide canvas of yesterday's work. Here is the sun coming through the skylight, which is cloudy, and here are the paints spilled on the floor. Calvin might say, ah, those accidents are your masterpiece! Stare at the sun and close your eyes -- whose art is that? But in the cabinets that stand in the corner of the room are more tapes, and transcripts, some typed on a typewriter and then the later ones printed, of words from people all over the world who heard about what Dr. Harrison does and sought him out so that they at the very least would not feel so alone. Of course they really wanted answers.
Before Rothko died, he promised that if he chose to commit suicide, everyone would know it. But no one was sure afterwards, when he was found on the ground with cuts in his arms and his glasses off. It was this last thing that threw off some people; he was severely myopic; how could he have killed himself if he couldn't even see?
Questions
Coming down the country road, wide-awake even at this hour, Elsa took a turn a little too fast and found herself take flight, like a giant metal insect, over the sharply rolling hill. In the air there hung innumerable stars, sure. But she knew in the back of her mind that the question of "what hung in the air" was answerable in different ways, depending on one's perspective: danger, romance, molecules, probability waves, time, pollen, dust, pollution... fortunately for her the car was not an insect, and not meant for flying. The moment passed. Everything changed, including the questions.
2.05.2010
Rogers to the Rescue
"Johnny."
"Johnny."
"Yeah?"
I said his name into the phone.
"There's been a problem."
"What kind of problem?"
"The kind I need to talk to about in person."
"It's too fuckin early."
"Fuck man you have no idea. Get up and come meet me."
"If it's so fuckin important you come here."
"Fine."
I took off towards his place. I had Cliff in the back seat, breathing. His eyes were open as if looking out the sunroof at the early AM sky. Except they were looking red and dry.
John Mitchell Rogers M.D. was a friend of mine from school. In the very beginning we used to get high once every few months and though we hadn't done that in years, there was a bond. He once told me if he knew he had another life he'd spend this one stoned. Instead he was neurologist who liked to learn functional programming languages for fun.
I rang and he opened the door.
"What is it?"
I showed him Cliff in the car.
"Jesus, Klein, what are you doing?"
"He hacked into the dream machine. He took it from my office."
"Hacked into it?"
"I know, I know. But I need him to get out of this. I don't like not knowing what he did and where is."
"Where he is, is lying in what could very well be a vegetative state in the fuckin back seat of your car. Your car, Klein. What are you thinking?"
He leaned in over Cliff and looked and listened.
"If I were you," he said, "I'd wash my hands of all this immediately."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"I'm the one who pulled the tube. While he was in there."
"And now you want him out."
"Yes."
"And you want me to help you."
"Yes."
Forget what we said before: Cliff is staring at the sky. A flock of birds pass overhead, splitting up and then coming together. He watches them, and inside his skull dense patterns of electrical activity move that way, just like that.
"Johnny."
"Yeah?"
I said his name into the phone.
"There's been a problem."
"What kind of problem?"
"The kind I need to talk to about in person."
"It's too fuckin early."
"Fuck man you have no idea. Get up and come meet me."
"If it's so fuckin important you come here."
"Fine."
I took off towards his place. I had Cliff in the back seat, breathing. His eyes were open as if looking out the sunroof at the early AM sky. Except they were looking red and dry.
John Mitchell Rogers M.D. was a friend of mine from school. In the very beginning we used to get high once every few months and though we hadn't done that in years, there was a bond. He once told me if he knew he had another life he'd spend this one stoned. Instead he was neurologist who liked to learn functional programming languages for fun.
I rang and he opened the door.
"What is it?"
I showed him Cliff in the car.
"Jesus, Klein, what are you doing?"
"He hacked into the dream machine. He took it from my office."
"Hacked into it?"
"I know, I know. But I need him to get out of this. I don't like not knowing what he did and where is."
"Where he is, is lying in what could very well be a vegetative state in the fuckin back seat of your car. Your car, Klein. What are you thinking?"
He leaned in over Cliff and looked and listened.
"If I were you," he said, "I'd wash my hands of all this immediately."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"I'm the one who pulled the tube. While he was in there."
"And now you want him out."
"Yes."
"And you want me to help you."
"Yes."
Forget what we said before: Cliff is staring at the sky. A flock of birds pass overhead, splitting up and then coming together. He watches them, and inside his skull dense patterns of electrical activity move that way, just like that.
2.04.2010
(...)
Uncertain what to do, we smiled and shook everyone's hand. Instead of complaining about the work, or the weather, we took careful measures to say only what was needed to build hospitals out of thin air. Now everyone comes around when it rains and we turn no one -- not even the pigeons -- away.
2.03.2010
reboot
Bum bump -- bum bump -- bum bump. This is what Cliff experiences next. There is a sound like pounding on the walls -- can you call them walls? they look cold and wet to touch. He can move his limbs, this is good. This is good, he thinks. Then he is not so sure.
Across town Calvin is in the back of a police car.
Dr. Klein is not sure what to do next. Lauren is gone and I am gone. We were never there. The world closes up around our bodies and we become something that can never be spoken or imagined.
So he turns toward the light. The computers are emitting waves at irritating frequencies, it makes his skin itch. I am too late, he thinks. The dream machine has clearly been altered. But how? I thumb through the notes but it is like hieroglyphics, Cliff's writing, and I can't tell what is idiosyncratic and private from what I simply do not know enough to comprehend. I look back at Cliff's body. He looks dead but there is smaller machine displaying his heart rate, which is fine, good even. But he's like a dead man. He won't talk. I should kill him but I won't. I need to know what he did, and then I need to undo it.
The cops lets him sleep it off in the jail in the morning Calvin is out, blinking at the winter sun. He moves like a deep sea diver through the subway station. People's faces open up with a touch of his eyes. Everything feels Too Much.
At the end of a hall, if you can call it that, is an opening and past that the walls narrow considerably and Cliff has to wiggle belly-down through some strange wet stuff. It's vicious, like hair-gel. It doesn't smell. In fact, nothing does. Cliff realizes this as his head suddenly feels like it's being drilled clean through and one eye goes out and then the other and then they both come back. The walls keep beating, massive muscles, carrying him through a chamber like someone's giant wet heart.
Across town Calvin is in the back of a police car.
Dr. Klein is not sure what to do next. Lauren is gone and I am gone. We were never there. The world closes up around our bodies and we become something that can never be spoken or imagined.
So he turns toward the light. The computers are emitting waves at irritating frequencies, it makes his skin itch. I am too late, he thinks. The dream machine has clearly been altered. But how? I thumb through the notes but it is like hieroglyphics, Cliff's writing, and I can't tell what is idiosyncratic and private from what I simply do not know enough to comprehend. I look back at Cliff's body. He looks dead but there is smaller machine displaying his heart rate, which is fine, good even. But he's like a dead man. He won't talk. I should kill him but I won't. I need to know what he did, and then I need to undo it.
The cops lets him sleep it off in the jail in the morning Calvin is out, blinking at the winter sun. He moves like a deep sea diver through the subway station. People's faces open up with a touch of his eyes. Everything feels Too Much.
At the end of a hall, if you can call it that, is an opening and past that the walls narrow considerably and Cliff has to wiggle belly-down through some strange wet stuff. It's vicious, like hair-gel. It doesn't smell. In fact, nothing does. Cliff realizes this as his head suddenly feels like it's being drilled clean through and one eye goes out and then the other and then they both come back. The walls keep beating, massive muscles, carrying him through a chamber like someone's giant wet heart.
lyrics without a song
You won't believe but I did it again, I'm not sorry this time I have to say. Because there is someone waiting inside me, that's who I am today. All the teardrops all the years pooling at my feet. We believed yes what did we believe, what did we believe my sweet.
Take, your hands, off me. What we did we believe?
Take your hands off me. Off me.
You won't believe it but the astronauts in the space, they get paid to do the things that they do. Hard work, a little less complete, I am either contradiction and complete. (or perfectly consistent and small.)
take your hands off me. are you incomplete?
what did we believe what did we believe.
I believe I am here to say the names of everything that comes across my face. I try I will try to touch I will try to make it all a part of me. All the teardrops all the years, falling like a rocket down through space. did you believe what did you believe take your hands off me I am complete.
Take, your hands, off me. What we did we believe?
Take your hands off me. Off me.
You won't believe it but the astronauts in the space, they get paid to do the things that they do. Hard work, a little less complete, I am either contradiction and complete. (or perfectly consistent and small.)
take your hands off me. are you incomplete?
what did we believe what did we believe.
I believe I am here to say the names of everything that comes across my face. I try I will try to touch I will try to make it all a part of me. All the teardrops all the years, falling like a rocket down through space. did you believe what did you believe take your hands off me I am complete.
2.02.2010
An elegy for being younger
Not sad but determined, the fire inside burns on different stuff. I feel the same things but feel differently about them. Is it a tragedy that everyone dies, at last? Does it matter how we live? I'd like to go and alleviate everyone's suffering out of respect for the times I could not alleviate my own. The trick was seeing the mirror's limit and using it well: I see myself in the world. If we burn we burn together.
We appreciate the poetry
I could not begin to imagine the way it feels to dip into something so still, so strong, that the suffering of the world becomes just another song. I try. The sidewalk catches my eye or maybe it's the sunlight hitting something metal or glass and bouncing back. Or given a crowded set of stairs, I look at everyone's face for as long as I dare.
Most kids in America don't play marbles anymore, some must, and maybe some play outside under the sky and have a good clean shot. I'll take anything that makes it easier to look out from myself -- and what do I see? Glass marbles of the eyes, a good clean shot straight across the heart.
[for J.D. Salinger]
Most kids in America don't play marbles anymore, some must, and maybe some play outside under the sky and have a good clean shot. I'll take anything that makes it easier to look out from myself -- and what do I see? Glass marbles of the eyes, a good clean shot straight across the heart.
[for J.D. Salinger]
1.31.2010
The Ant and the Cube
When Dr. Klein breaks the glass to reach in and unlock the window, Cliff is in another world.
Cliff's World: floating, I can see colors like you never seen when you're awake. They are spinning in a cube, and for a moment I hang in the open space watching it pull one side through the other and then it slips down again through the top. It has more dimensions than I can understand. This is Shaina's dream. I see her on the other side, she is watching the cube. Not at all like a zombie. She floats quickly, then stomps her foot on the grass that appears beneath just in time. Has a tantrum, then abruptly stops and watches the cube.
Did you know about the ant on the wire? Say it's a wire strung between two telephone poles. If the ant walks in a straight line towards the other pole and it will make it there. If, however, it starts tracing a path parallel to the pole it will walk indefinitely, never reaching the end, never knowing that it's going in circles. Because the ant is so small, and its world which is the wire is curved, right? The miles it travels are not flat but curled up in the shape of the world.
I wanted you to know because I am thinking of killing Shaina. But something feels wrong. Is this thought wrong? Is it the feeling? I can't tell, so I am going to keep moving. I move towards her. And then I--------------------------------------->
*
Dr. Klein, bleeding from the hand, moves through Cliff's house. The living room, the clean kitchen, bathroom -- he is not there. "Where is he?" He pauses, scratches his head. It hurts. So does his arm, he thinks. That's when notices a trap door mostly covered by a rug. He lifts it -- the rug is glued to the door -- and goes downstairs. Cliff lying in a room lit by computer screens. The dream machine is attached to his head, and the computers are displaying squiggly functions of things moving in value against time. Dr. Klein pauses. The next move is an important one. What will it be, what will it be--
He yanks the tube out of Cliff's mouth and every machine fills the room with a solid white light as Cliff sits up screaming and then is flung back against the floor, a little faster than people can usually fall.
*
The next morning, Shaina wakes up, turns off her alarm, and makes it through a day of work without anyone saying anything.
Cliff's World: floating, I can see colors like you never seen when you're awake. They are spinning in a cube, and for a moment I hang in the open space watching it pull one side through the other and then it slips down again through the top. It has more dimensions than I can understand. This is Shaina's dream. I see her on the other side, she is watching the cube. Not at all like a zombie. She floats quickly, then stomps her foot on the grass that appears beneath just in time. Has a tantrum, then abruptly stops and watches the cube.
Did you know about the ant on the wire? Say it's a wire strung between two telephone poles. If the ant walks in a straight line towards the other pole and it will make it there. If, however, it starts tracing a path parallel to the pole it will walk indefinitely, never reaching the end, never knowing that it's going in circles. Because the ant is so small, and its world which is the wire is curved, right? The miles it travels are not flat but curled up in the shape of the world.
I wanted you to know because I am thinking of killing Shaina. But something feels wrong. Is this thought wrong? Is it the feeling? I can't tell, so I am going to keep moving. I move towards her. And then I--------------------------------------->
*
Dr. Klein, bleeding from the hand, moves through Cliff's house. The living room, the clean kitchen, bathroom -- he is not there. "Where is he?" He pauses, scratches his head. It hurts. So does his arm, he thinks. That's when notices a trap door mostly covered by a rug. He lifts it -- the rug is glued to the door -- and goes downstairs. Cliff lying in a room lit by computer screens. The dream machine is attached to his head, and the computers are displaying squiggly functions of things moving in value against time. Dr. Klein pauses. The next move is an important one. What will it be, what will it be--
He yanks the tube out of Cliff's mouth and every machine fills the room with a solid white light as Cliff sits up screaming and then is flung back against the floor, a little faster than people can usually fall.
*
The next morning, Shaina wakes up, turns off her alarm, and makes it through a day of work without anyone saying anything.
(exercise #1)
We stood in the center of the room and Jen drew a circle around us in chalk. What were our habits, what were our peculiarities -- whatever made us who we are went inside. Outside went everything else.
Q: What went outside?
*
I named every body part for her, kneeling as I was on one knee, hurting vaguely. "This one, this one, that one!" Each time I said the name to the best of my ability. Funny bone was funny. So were toes, pinky, and earlobe. Clavicle, neck, head -- nothing funny about that.
*
Jen said, "Remember when we were in college? You tried to kiss me."
"I remember. The kiss failed."
"But I remembered it."
"Well, that's something."
"It is."
We put it in the circle.
*
Where does that favorite writer of yours lead to? I mean, in the sequence. Who did you find because of him?
It's like a great mystery up, hurry up before the case is closed.
Q: What went outside?
*
I named every body part for her, kneeling as I was on one knee, hurting vaguely. "This one, this one, that one!" Each time I said the name to the best of my ability. Funny bone was funny. So were toes, pinky, and earlobe. Clavicle, neck, head -- nothing funny about that.
*
Jen said, "Remember when we were in college? You tried to kiss me."
"I remember. The kiss failed."
"But I remembered it."
"Well, that's something."
"It is."
We put it in the circle.
*
Where does that favorite writer of yours lead to? I mean, in the sequence. Who did you find because of him?
It's like a great mystery up, hurry up before the case is closed.
1.27.2010
Lauren
You should know Lauren when she was a little girl. Let's try: see her in the backyard, going through her father's garden. She's asking: is this one ripe? is this one? about the tomatoes. This is all on video. Her father is kind of humoring her, paying attention to the new camera and its colors, kind of not sure what to say to his daughter who wants to know what everything is. Later you can find her going from tree to tree, collecting cattle-pillars that become gypsy moths. Her father says, they eat the garden. So she inspects every tree, takes every one she can find, and puts them in a plastic fishbowl. Then she fills it with water. Somehow she seems both to know and not know that she's drowning them. She moves away to the next thing.
1.26.2010
That Famous Bump-and-Go Action
Dr. Klein stepped out of the train at Penn Station, in the middle of Manhattan on an afternoon when 30 million people were going places, seated, or talking nearby. He hurried toward the subway uptown.
"Oh! Watch where you're going you asshole--"
"I'm sorry I--"
"You spilled coffee all over me."
Raina had coffee spreading warmly across her white shirt. In her hand was a coffee cup. She held her elbows up and arms out to the side.
"You're going to pay for this."
"Look," Dr. Klein said. He had stopped. "Look, I can pay whatever, but I'm in a hurry. Take my card and send me the cleaning bill."
"No, you're going to pay me right now. This was a brand new shirt. Brand new."
"You have to trust me. Take it." He thrust the card into Raina's hand and walked off towards the platform.
"Asshole."
Raina went into the magazine shop.
"Can I get some napkins?"
"They over there."
She took a handful and blotted herself uselessly.
&&
Raina's Dream
George and I are floating in a big empty room. "Don't be afraid," he keeps saying. But I don't feel afraid, so I get mad at him but when I try to talk nothing comes out. Like I lost my voice. He looks at me and his eyes get a little bigger. It's weird. "Raina, my grandmother died." I'm sad now, and I forget where we are and float over to him to try and hold him, but the closer I get it's like the wind from my movement pushes him away. "It's okay George," I'm saying, but his body is shrinking and his eyes keep getting bigger. Suddenly he's a little boy, with great big eyes, and he's running around in a circle. We are in my parents' house. He's running around and saying, No NO No NO NO NO and I'm trying to hush him. My mother walks in and she's got a apron on with a lobster on it. She's bleeding from her crotch. I ask her what's wrong, but she can't hear me. The lobster becomes real and scuttles across the floor towards George, and I see him pick it up and put it in his mouth. I can't say anything. Then I wake up.
&&
"I think that was George," Lauren says and looks back.
"You know who I see?" I say.
"Who?"
I point across the street. Dr. Klein is walking away from the uptown stop.
"Your boss."
"No way."
"Look."
"It's been like two days."
"Let's follow him."
"What?"
Lauren stops and look at me. She says it again.
"Let's follow him."
"You're kidding."
"He looks hurt, doesn't he?"
"I didn't notice. So what if he is? And what if he sees us?""
"We wave and say, Hey, we didn't see you there."
"No. It's not professional. I'm not going to follow him."
"Fine, then don't. But I'm going to."
She takes off in the direction Dr. Klein was headed. I look back, and then down the street where I can see him about to turn the block and head north.
"Lauren--"
"Lauren--"
"Wait."
"Oh! Watch where you're going you asshole--"
"I'm sorry I--"
"You spilled coffee all over me."
Raina had coffee spreading warmly across her white shirt. In her hand was a coffee cup. She held her elbows up and arms out to the side.
"You're going to pay for this."
"Look," Dr. Klein said. He had stopped. "Look, I can pay whatever, but I'm in a hurry. Take my card and send me the cleaning bill."
"No, you're going to pay me right now. This was a brand new shirt. Brand new."
"You have to trust me. Take it." He thrust the card into Raina's hand and walked off towards the platform.
"Asshole."
Raina went into the magazine shop.
"Can I get some napkins?"
"They over there."
She took a handful and blotted herself uselessly.
&&
Raina's Dream
George and I are floating in a big empty room. "Don't be afraid," he keeps saying. But I don't feel afraid, so I get mad at him but when I try to talk nothing comes out. Like I lost my voice. He looks at me and his eyes get a little bigger. It's weird. "Raina, my grandmother died." I'm sad now, and I forget where we are and float over to him to try and hold him, but the closer I get it's like the wind from my movement pushes him away. "It's okay George," I'm saying, but his body is shrinking and his eyes keep getting bigger. Suddenly he's a little boy, with great big eyes, and he's running around in a circle. We are in my parents' house. He's running around and saying, No NO No NO NO NO and I'm trying to hush him. My mother walks in and she's got a apron on with a lobster on it. She's bleeding from her crotch. I ask her what's wrong, but she can't hear me. The lobster becomes real and scuttles across the floor towards George, and I see him pick it up and put it in his mouth. I can't say anything. Then I wake up.
&&
"I think that was George," Lauren says and looks back.
"You know who I see?" I say.
"Who?"
I point across the street. Dr. Klein is walking away from the uptown stop.
"Your boss."
"No way."
"Look."
"It's been like two days."
"Let's follow him."
"What?"
Lauren stops and look at me. She says it again.
"Let's follow him."
"You're kidding."
"He looks hurt, doesn't he?"
"I didn't notice. So what if he is? And what if he sees us?""
"We wave and say, Hey, we didn't see you there."
"No. It's not professional. I'm not going to follow him."
"Fine, then don't. But I'm going to."
She takes off in the direction Dr. Klein was headed. I look back, and then down the street where I can see him about to turn the block and head north.
"Lauren--"
"Lauren--"
"Wait."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)